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Now's your chance to switch life safety providers today!

5 points · submitted Jun 2018 by u/RedTheSnapper

The Great Malsan Outage has been very costly for Sidon, and as commercial services are beginning to reopen, their biggest growing pain is all the infrastructure we've lost. So much will have to be rebuilt from scratch. But this is your chance to use a loss as an opportunity. For a limited time, Redline Security Utility® will reinstall all security and life safety systems at a discounted price, regardless of whether you used our services before! Protect your property and the people you love with the most reliable systems in the Metaverse today!

14 comments · 100% upvoted · other discussions

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ava_shiver 3 points · Jun 2018 · Runner

What packages do you have? Might be worth it, but money's tight.

RedTheSnapper [OP] 2 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

Ah, an ambitious small business owner I assume? For you we have fire alarm and suppressant, weather protection, security alarm, and transspatial anomaly alarm systems; bundle them all together for the best deal. All systems are monitored by our 24 hour Monitoring and Dispatch service, which will notify local authorities, or for an added price, our very own private response team, if anything goes into alarm.

ava_shiver 1 points · Jun 2018 · Runner

I'm impressed you still hold tech that allows for such robust security, given the Desert's recent encroachment; your guards must be formidable in ballistic combat.

RedTheSnapper [OP] 2 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

Such is the benefit of being a foreign company. All our most important resources were kept well out of harm's way in the GDFR.

Test_Subject_Frank 2 points · Jun 2018 · dolt

But all the money turned to dust

RedTheSnapper [OP] 1 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

I'm sorry sir, you'll have to reset it.

TheRealXuberent 1 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

"I guess just get a new one?"

The demon snickered.

RedTheSnapper [OP] 2 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

Sir that phrase is a trademark of Carl's Automotive Technologies®. You run the risk of a copyright fine if they catch you saying that without following it with a '™'.

FabioTheBrain 2 points · Jun 2018 · In the bidness

Ay, bub. We could use ya. Opening up somethin new soon. Or, "soon". Was meant to open up a week ago but, I don't think I hafta explain why it didn't. The place is huge, so we're ready to pay handsomely.

RedTheSnapper [OP] 2 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

Very well. We'll have one of our agents down there to scope your building out and provide you an installation quote. What time would be most convenient to have your place looked at?

FabioTheBrain 2 points · Jun 2018 · In the bidness

Soon as possible. Ye'll be able ta find someone there any time a' day, and we don't wanna delay dah grand opening any more than we hafta. And.... I got a special request.

RedTheSnapper [OP] 2 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

No problem, we'll make our arrangements ASAP. What might this request be?

FabioTheBrain 2 points · Jun 2018 · In the bidness

So I see this monitorin of yers can report to eithah the pigs or yer mercs. Would it be too much trouble to add a... custom reporting? Say they call my boys instead for every alarm 'cept fire. It's a bit of a legally challenged arrangement, but the one I'd trust tha most, ya see?

RedTheSnapper [OP] 1 points · Jun 2018 · BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD

I'm sorry but I'm afraid this is against our policy.

For the right price we could give one of our dispatchers your contact number and keep quiet about it to their fellow dispatchers. Just, please don't be too gratuitous about it.