I don’t know what to do

2 points · submitted 24d ago by u/ChismeTime7

I have 1 year living with my boyfriend and I felt things are going very well. He is 44 and I am 30. Today I got a book of things I love about you and it was 50 prompts and I would fill it out of personal things. I finished it and was about to put it inside his backpack that he takes to work. As I open it I saw something shiny and saw in the see through zipper there was a ring. I opened it and it looked like a wedding ring. We have talked about all our life since I said I wanted no surprises since the beginning of the relationship. I said you can keep your things but just the obvious we tell each other. He said he never was married, engaged, had kids. I don’t know that to do. The backpack he takes everyday to work in a zipper he had a wedding ring. I am sure it’s a wedding ring but as I try to find an explanation I just get worried and mad. No one keeps a random wedding ring. I am very confused I don’t know what to do or think.

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Soke_Dan 9 points · 24d ago

Evidence-Based Dating (EBD) teaches us to separate what we know from what we think the evidence means.

You found a ring in a backpack he uses every day. You believe it's a wedding ring, but stop there: What evidence do you have that it is actually a wedding ring?

Don't create explanations for him. Ask him what the ring is, who it belongs to, and why it's in his backpack.

But before you ask, answer another question for yourself: What would you need to see or know to believe his explanation is true?

Because an explanation is still a claim. Think about what could actually verify it.

Then there is one more question. If the evidence shows that he lied about ever being married or engaged, what are you going to do with that information?

Let the evidence lead the way.
~ Sōké ~

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Mountain-resort2411 2 points · 24d ago

Are you sure the ring is not potentially for a proposal to you? If he was really married, seems like it would be difficult with him living with you. That would make for a complicated other life. Are you more suspicious, though that he was married previously and is either a divorce or spouse is deceased? I love you were trying to do something special and one of those really blow you away kind of things. I love doing that for others. If and when the ring is ever brought up, I think you’ve got a pretty good excuse for having seen it with the clear understanding that you weren’t snooping. Sounds like something you will need to talk about though because it is bothering you pretty significantly.

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Moonster68speaks 3 points · 24d ago

maybe the ring belonged to his mom, grandmother, etc. and since you know his name go to your local courthouse and see if there is a marriage on file somewhere.