Arianna Simpson - This is What it's Like to Be a Woman at a Bitcoin Meetup
11 comments · 91% upvoted · source · other discussions
comments
retconk
sagarp
“Wow. Women don’t usually say that type of things”.
"You must not interact with many women."
[deleted]
Sounds like she ran into some guys from /r/theredpill.
sheseeksthestars
I don't think she had to be okay with being groped and insulted. She could have superb up about it at any point and told them it was inappropriate to grab strangers, and offensive to chatter on about how women generally aren't efficient, intelligent or interested in bit coin. I am not really clear why she thinks she has to just put up and shut up... These people need to understand that their behavior is unacceptable and she seems to be in a good position to tell them.
clairebones [OP]
As she covered in a few of the comments here, it's pretty difficult to call people out for this, especially in a new place. When the host of the event is behaving this way, you can't tell if anyone will be receptive to you trying to address it, nd you often don't want to risk escalating things.
sheseeksthestars
Fair enough. I have done so myself to people i didn't know in a new place, although it wasn't a formal gathering. If this is basically the only opportunity to interact with others on the topic it makes sense not to want to mess it up. If there will be more, well, i would speak up. It wouldn't have to be much either.. Could be as simple as "i would rather talk about bitcoin than what all women typically do."
clairebones [OP]
I can see that. I typically would go to the first meetup just to try and 'feel out' the group. If I decide to go back, then at that point (2nd meeting I guess) I'd feel more comfortable saying "Look I like this group, but I'd enjoy it more if we could hold back on the generalisations and inappropriate comments/touches".
SlowFoodCannibal
You raise a very valid point. But had she done that, the conversation from that point on would be adversarial and about what constitutes appropriate interaction, rather than about Bitcoin, which is what she came to talk about. Did their behavior deserve to be called out? Sure. But calling it out would have meant giving up her purpose for being there. Sometimes it can be useful to ignore shitty behavior and gain knowledge and earn credibility by showing up and participating despite it. Not always, but sometimes.
[deleted]
So very this. Even among friends I will occasionally let homophobic, racist, sexist shit slide because I did not come here to be a fucking social justice warrior. I am here, for example, to heal my FC through turn five of the Coil of Bahamut and to have a casual, friendly experience in the process. If I wanted to have to spend an hour explaining why sandwich/kitchen jokes are shitty I'd have stayed on Reddit.
Yes, I could have spoken up, but sometimes I just want to have a goddamned life like a real human being, and it is not my fault that I didn't feel like educating the fifteenth fool today to cross my path.
SlowFoodCannibal
Yup. I was introduced to this perspective years ago during a lecture by the author Alice Walker, when she said something like "It's not my personal responsibility to enlighten every narrow-minded individual I encounter." Now Alice Walker has done a tremendous amount to enlighten a whole lot of people, so if she can choose her battles, so can I.
reduced-fat-milk
Random piece of thought, sorry. I met Ryan a few times. Heh. Small web.
On a serious note, the way you were treated is disgusting. If I were there I wouldn't have had it.
I think of coding, niche innovation and tech as the great equalizer because your product speaks so earnestly for itself.
But I'll be damned if nerd-bros don't make it uncomfortable as shit sometimes to engage with people who have similar interests.
This kind of shudder inducing behavior has hit me in similar meet up sessions. Makes me thankful that by and far my usual encounters are with raging feminist code dudes. They're the best.