u/SlowFoodCannibal

That's awesome, those are some great role models. When someone says they do not observe sexism it's always hard to tell if it is because things are getting better and they have escaped being exposed to it, or if it is because they are denying its existence and negating the need for social justice movements. I'm glad in your case that it is the first one.

I didn't say AS important, I said both were super-important. Which is more important isn't really something I care to evaluate. If you're asking why it is important to have heroes that don't look like oneself, it is because it connects a person to a greater swath of humanity and promotes compassion and respect for others who are different than us, which reduces conflict and violence in the world.

The things you shared really touched me and gave me a lot to think about. I hope you keep sharing your perspectives because the world really needs people who can see multiple sides of issues and practice empathy even to those who have made things harder for them.

What a great story! I loved reading that. Thanks for sharing it! :)

That's kind of you to say, thank you for the support.

That's encouraging. Who are your female role models?

You have such a deeply intelligent, nuanced perspective on this. I really admire you for being able to see how your mom's views harmed you while still being empathetic and analytical about them. That's not easy and I wish more people could approach things like you do.

Another aspect of this is that for many 2nd wave feminists (I'm a 58 year old woman), we faced a ton of criticism that we were "emasculating" men. We were called "ball busters". A lot of us worried that feminine qualities in our sons or our partners would provide ammo to traditionalists and misogynists who could then say "See? Those feminists are weakening men! They're attacking masculinity!". So I think some of us overcompensated.

What helped me out of this trap was getting involved in friendships and political efforts with gay men and lesbians in the early '80s, who taught me a ton. For 2nd wave feminists who weren't lucky enough to hang out with drag queens, I think it was harder to see a way out.

Thank you so much for writing this. As a woman manager in tech who also tries really hard to "go above and beyond" for my direct reports and team, this is how I sincerely hope to affect people.

I agree, it's super-important for kids to have role models that look like them!!! Representation matters. It's also super-important for kids to have role models that DON'T look like them.

I've shared this anecdote in this sub before and I fear I'm becoming the old person who repeats the same stories, but I will always love my ex for enthusiastically playing PowerPuff Girls with our son when he was little. Watching a grown man jump off the couch and shout "Let's go, Buttercup!" to his son was deeply heartwarming and life-affirming.

It's because there's a pandemic in which your neighbors' decisions whether or not to wear a mask could determine whether you live or die.

Thanks for posting this, OP. I am 100% in agreement with your perspective. As a feminist woman who raised a boy (now an amazing 25 year old man), I'm horrified that this indoctrination of male children to sacrifice themselves to become "heroes" persists in our culture. It's a form of marketing that ensures a pipeline of males willing to become meat for the grinder of military and police work. It's bullshit, it deeply wounds boys, it creates adult men who feel they don't measure up if they're not Navy Seals or something. Why can't we just nurture and protect children of all genders and let them be children? Isn't that our job as adults and parents?

What that boy did was remarkable and brave and he deserves praise for it. But tying it to masculinity, and especially toxic masculinity in the form of sexualizing and adultifying a child, is damaging, to him and to everyone who is exposed to that messaging.

Good on you for calling it out and nice job navigating the nuances involved, OP.

Agree. CS has always been Republican dominated. Let's flip it and get some sensible shit done for a change.

When my husband was the stay at home parent he used to say something like "I have the most important job in the world: I'm raising my son."

If you like the song, check out the version by the Steve N Seagulls on Youtube. You're welcome.

It's funny you specifically mention "women also fart and poop" - a gay male friend of mine who grew up with only brothers and no sisters honestly thought women only poop once a week and never fart. I was happy to disabuse him of that notion by farting loudly in his direction whenever I had ammo. Fun times.

If you'd enjoy reading scientific validation of your views, I highly recommend the books of the primatologist Frans De Waal. His most recent, "Mama's Last Hug" was where I started. Even just reading his Wiki will have you feeling smug about your absolutely correct views. :)

I mostly agree with you but ideally every country would have its own emergency preparedness supplies. Also less shipping for certain things would be more environmentally responsible.

You're getting great advice here, especially the emphasis on protecting yourself. Just to put a bit more focus on one aspect of that, OP, there is a core belief of redpill and alt-right men that puts you in danger: the belief that women's purpose is to provide men with sex. Combine that with another core belief of theirs, that people of color have less value than white people and are fair game to cause physical harm to, and you are in a very vulnerable position physically if you ever allow yourself to be alone with one of these guys. Avoid this situation. They do not believe your right to body autonomy "counts".

As a woman of color who grew up in rural Ohio where a lot of men held those 2 beliefs, and who was raped at 14 and subjected to multiple other incidents throughout childhood and adolescence, I sadly speak from personal experience.

Exactly.

As one of those people who got told I was being over dramatic, thank you.

You know how sometimes you read something and while it seems good and you strongly agree, there's an icky feeling in your stomach that something about it is wrong? That's how I felt when I read the original post. And when I read your reply (and subsequent high effort replies to others commenting to it) I was filled with gratitude and admiration. And my stomach feels better.

Thank you for spending so much time beautifully articulating such important points with clarity and compassion. I really REALLY appreciate you!!!

I encourage you to do that. Asexual voices need to be heard more and this sub is a place where people would be likely to listen.

Hi Dad.

| As a society, we demonize femininity and see it as a death sentence to a person's manhood

Came here to say this but you already had it covered. As long as our culture values maleness more than femaleness, men who embrace femininity will always be regarded as "less than" men who maximize their masculinity.

Nicely done post, OP. Excellent perspective and well-said.