u/Alert_Fig_5994

It must be against licensing to use a swaddle specifically, they say they have sleep sacks but I’ve not seen one used on her.

Ask or ask to see a feeding therapist like a speech language pathologist or occupational therapist. We sought the specific person out because she does tongue lip tie work and just got lucky with her.

We are working on this with a physical therapist and it helps a lot. She will mostly keep a paci now. A lot of the activities are in her mouth and we do them before feeding.

Edited to add

Also if you grab their cheeks like to make a fish face it will stop the gag.

Sounds like you already have two children. Maybe you will be happier at your parents.

4 month postpartum is so fast…. I’m 5 months postpartum and I’d need the full 2 years to even talk about baby 2.

I wouldn’t consider his wants because medical community says waiting 2 year is best for babies and moms. You also wouldn’t have leave. You’re also just not ready. None of that is unreasonable.

We kept the cares schedule and one day she slept 6 hours over night and now regularly only wakes up one time in a 12 hour stretch and I had nothing to do with this 😂 but I’ll take it. She falls asleep in less than 15 min too but it can be hard to get her into her bed.

We did transitional a few months but if you don’t notice choking, gasping, etc you’re probably good. We did recently look for more feeding therapy stuff so there are resources if you feel like you need more guidance from pediatric speech language pathologists or other specialists.

Maybe you’ll want a break from him? I personally liked going to the nicu alone as soon as I could drive for my own independence. I felt like then it was “my baby” and there was no other party to put their two cents in.

Can you request a primary nurse? Or just ask that that nurse not be assigned your baby? You should be able to do something the primary thing it seems pretty common at hospitals. I would have said something and or done something rude with the diaper your husband found him in that is not okay at all.

As a social worker/therapist who works with kids who went through a nicu stay I would say I did 99% of my own research and finding of things, she made me 2 appts but I needed way more. I definitely would have felt more lost without the background knowledge I have. I feel like there’s just a lot of things to do and post nicu stay you just free for all since the pediatricians don’t really have the time or resources to do it either. There’s a huge gap of services.

Feed the baby , my preemie randomly eats a ton some days and then back down the next. She ate an extra 4 ounces yesterday. She is 8 weeks adjusted. For the colic we had to get all sorts of tongue tie, lip tie, pt, probiotic, and the meds as well as doing some gentle formula with her higher cal stuff she does 5 regular 20 cal bottles and 3 fortified. After the colic went away it’s a new baby. At no point did skipping a feed benefit anything it made the screaming worse and she wouldn’t sleep vs now eats and is ready for a nap.

The nicu staff explained by like 34 weeks most negative things are mitigated so anything after that has great results.

Yes magically appeared after we went home. It’s almost completely subsided at 4 months.

Don’t feel like a baby it sucks and it’s not anything anyone was planning. You got this. The not seeing the baby while in mag is like the smallest memory in my mind now that I’m 4 months away from it. I couldn’t handle the baby that day anyway because of the nicu rules so I had to wait several days but my baby is happy and healthy and I didn’t have a seizure so I’m grateful.

They told me the same thing and I ended up having my baby at 30 +3. I didn’t find the magnesium anything but annoying. I was in the hospital 4 weeks before my delivery which was so much sitting and waiting, but overall my baby is doing well, we had 55 days in the nicu and after a nec/e coli blip it was relatively just her learning to eat. She came out of me 3 lbs 11 oz went home 7 lbs.

My docs let me up early from the mag since my symptoms were handled and my parents and partner were able to go immediately to the nicu so I knew at least those things were handled while I was forced to be in bed.

It wasn’t ideal but we are home and she is doing amazing.

Don’t go everyday it’s just not worth it when you’re recovering from major abdominal surgery. Mind you any other surgery they would tell you to not move yet. I feel like it really slowed my progress down to go there so much.

We do best without breast milk, that was causing digestive issues. My preemies growth is fantastic since switch to eff about a month ago.

The bonding will “catch up” and I feel like as traumatic as the nicu is/was I’ve felt okay after a few months home. The trauma will ebb and flow. I’ve not reconnected with family or friends I’ve just been with my baby because people stay stupid stuff.

You’re allowed to do whatever you want you need to do to get through this, reach out to people or be a hermit; go to the nicu all day or stay home and rest; you can quit trying to lactate or try harder.

I give myself permission to be completely nihilistic and negative so you can also do with that as you will.

Also 38 weeks is still inside time you normally wouldn’t have with an infant so you’ve not missed any newborn stuff
technically preemies don’t skip that. My 4 month old is very much a 6 or 8 week old and we are in the trenches. So rest assured you’ve got the extended newborn phase also.

My baby did her newborn photos at 3 months and it looks like a newborn shoot and no one can stop you from doing whatever you want to have your experience. Her month one picture with the stupid month number is in the isolette full of wires. It’s all up to you how you meet your needs.

I had similar and I wish I’d have stopped pumping sooner and just formula because the stress of pumping with her in the nicu plus low production just made me feel worse and on top of that she never latched to my breast. I feel way better mentally not pumping or trying to let her play with her food like I was.

Edited to add I’m also almost 40 and none of what I’ve been through was how I wanted it to go.

I had to remind myself continuously that my baby wasn’t going to just randomly stop breathing, she’s even on oxygen. But I opted not to get an owlet and I probably should have so I could have slept the past few months. We’ve been home since July and I feel like I can sleep now (I also quit pumping) but I spent a lot of time worried about things that were my brain and not based in reality. So therapy and meds if you’re open to it are super helpful. Spend the money on the owlet and sleep more than a few hours at a time.

We had a lip and tongue tie done and I think it’s made a huge difference in feeding. No more clicking, less dribble, she seems so much more comfortable on the bottle. My baby had really limited tongue movement prior to the removal so it’s been huge there as well, she can stick her tongue out now and she will take a pacifier again.

Procedure was quick and minimal down time, she doesn’t even mind the stretches.

There’s more to the tie like tension and body stuff too. I have found it to be a good investment.

My favorite has been my mom comparing my preemie’s milestones to a cousin that was full term born a week before her “oh she’s not rolling over, well he is”. Or my aunt asking “what’s wrong with her?” Because shes on oxygen, not in a curious way but disgust.

I liked the gown style or kimonos made it feel somewhat “normal” sometimes footies or onesies seemed just like something to hold wires. Everything will be too big but have fun with it. I brought in swaddles and blankets for her to use also so at least when I was holding her it didn’t feel so sterile. I also took my own burp cloths and boppy pillow.

We took time for ourselves and still haven’t really had people over but our people are all far and it’s easier to dictate.