u/ConceptComfortable80

Do you think having the chance to go to that school was worth losing part of the connection with your friend?
To clarify, it seems like you wrote that it is acknowledged/known that having relationships makes it harder for someone to achieve something in their studies of math/science/philosophy (for short I'll just say "studies"). Regarding the point that because these days information is so widely available and spreads so easily, any one person has a much less chance of making major contributions, so giving up worldly pleasures is risky: it could be argued that even small local contributions are sacrificed when one pursues excessive worldly contributions.
Also, is the issue whether or not even a single relationship distracts from someone's studies (it could actually enhance one's studies for some people I think), or whether or not living a wildlife distracts from someone's studies, and, if so, what the right balance is.
I don't think that when you said that the standards are so high these days to make a lasting contribution, that it means we should all live a totally hedonistic life. I think you just meant, if I'm not mistaken, that totally giving up one's social life in the hopes of making a lasting impact is risky.

Thanks. This was interesting to read, and I'm gonna give it more thought.

Thanks- I know that in this situation I can’t balance both the relationship and my study goals. Does it make I need to just bite my teeth and choose one?

This makes sense. I appreciate it!

u/downtownlasd u/JazzyMaybell u/MissCinnamonT u/Agitated-Past-2310 u/EmergencyPoem7505 u/Jerseybean1 u/Emergency-Tea-6726
I sort of trusted her because when she tested positive for ureaplasma a few months ago she told me about it and had me get tested as well. Whether or not she could be hiding something more serious I don't know. It could be some scar or wound from surgery and not something transmittable.
Either way, this is not a normal part of a relationship and I'm kind of having a waking up moment now. The mystery from her reappearance after years is maybe something I am putting too much meaning into and maybe mis seeing things as special coincidences and "meant to bes". I think many of us do that when we want a relationship and maybe get blind to reality- i.e. the fact that maybe there is no order, no connecting of dots, and we are left with the brush and are free to make our own choices despite feelings.

But doesn’t herpes usually stay hidden?

Thanks- she is super attractive to me and the physical side is otherwise very good so it’s a tough one. I’m just not used to this. I’d still want to be with her even with this limitation, but just not as often- I’d need to supplement my life more with relationships with others without these boundaries.

A lifestyle tracker makes sense. I haven’t tried it, but will.

Sounds like a fun day! I can relate, although I realized/remembered this July 4th weekend that I need to try and keep my daughter's mom happy to since it's best for our daughter.

u/Remote_Ocelot9600
u/Champagne-n-Caviar
u/Cautious_Donkeyz
Thanks. I hope I can find that balance. It's always been hard for me, even as a child, because I've tended to go to extremes and feel the need to pick one thing to exclusively focus on.

Thanks for your response- I'm glad it's working out for you!

u/Woody-Wood-Not55 u/Okdj547 Thank you for the responses. I can relate that these SRs have motivated me in work and motivated me to stay active fit. The real dilemma for me is the conflict with my studies. I was studying pure math/logic and philosophy in addition to my work. I make no money from these and this alone is hard to balance with my work. I tried to spend a few hours a day on it and was keeping the possibility of getting a second degree. When I add an SR into the picture it has the effect of making me want to work more to earn more income which takes away time from my studies. So an SR and work are actually complimentary, but an SR with my studies is more of a conflict. Even if I tell myself I'll meet with for dates once a month or twice a month so I can focus on my studies, I end up thinking about her a lot in between meets. I hope I can teach myself to be able to manage both interests together, but it has been very hard.

Thanks for your response. I've considered that this is genetic. That's what makes it so hard to gives this up to focus on my studies. I guess the question is should I even be trying to overcome my genes, or is that bound to fail. Many successful people had to sacrifice relationships to attain a high level of knowledge. If I have a genetic "sweet tooth", this might be very difficult and counter productive for me. I have not been able to yet figure this out.

u/Not-a-dress-rehersal u/TheStoicbrother Thank you. My main problem is not really balancing an SR with family, work and a hobby- it's balancing an SR with family, work, and an intense area of study (I was taking classes in pure math/logic and philosophy). Hobbies like sports, etc would be much easier to manage with a relationship.
Some people might be able to juggle all of these things. I just don't know if I can learn to, or whether or not I need to take the plunge and choose one over the other. I've been in this limbo for years. Therapy has helped by hasn't solved the problem.

I think the most important question is is this adding to your life. If it is, enjoy the time without worrying about where it will lead. You can take an intermediate step with her and see if she’ll go on a trip with you.
Have you told her she means a lot to you? If not you should. If she feels similar she will eve tially tell you although there could be a gao between when you tell her and when she tells you.

Thanks… it’s funny she actually responded two nights later asking if everything was ok (indicating she never got my response about trying to reschedule). When I told her I responded she said her phone was installing an ios update so she didnt get it and was wondering why I hadnt responded.

Just an update. She just messaged me and apparently didn’t even get my last messages lol.

It was four dates by I see what you mean:)

What did you mean by ten seconds? 😊