u/CynicalCosmologist

Granted. Women cease to exist and the rest of us die out.

Once upon a time, in a small village in northern China, two healthy identical twin boys were born on a beautiful, sunny June day. Their loving parents named them Ving and Ling, and brought them home to raise them on their own rice paddy. Everything was idyllic and pastoral, with the boys growing and maturing precisely on schedule. Things were great until the boys were about ten, when Ving declared that he absolutely hated his name. For one thing, he thought it was super lame when parents of identical twins gave them rhyming names. For another, Ving was a rare enough name that people kept asking him to repeat it, or think he was joking, and he frequently had to spell it. He would henceforth be known by the nickname Lee, which he really liked and thought it fit him much better. From that day on, he would introduce himself as Lee, and be thought of as Lee, and exclusively be called Lee by everybody, even by his oldest friends who had known him for the longest time as Ving. Everybody does it, except for his parents, who insisted on calling him Ving. But they were old and old-fashioned and set in their ways, so he forgave them and continued to answer to Ving when they called him that. But all was not perfect. All of his legal documents still referred to him as Ving, which led to confusion when he tried to show proof of his identity. So as the boys approach their eighteenth birthday, Ving decided that as a present for himself, he would have his name legally changed to Lee and there would be no more ambiguity. So he went down to the courthouse to file for a name change. The way it worked was that you went down to the courthouse and filled out a long and annoyingly intimate questionnaire, and paid a massive fee. It was massive because the government wanted to discourage people from changing their names on a whim, so the amount was enough to buy a new midsize SUV. And the next Thursday, when court was in session, the judge would formally approve the petition and his name would be changed. Ving knew he’d be happier with the name change, so he went down to the courthouse, filled out the form, and paid the fee, and got his court date. Then he went home and told his parents what he had done. Their reaction was not what he had expected. His mother immediately broke down crying inconsolable sobs, and his father looked at him sternly and angrily. ”Boy, don’t you know that the name Ving has a long tradition in this family? You were named for your grandfather Ving, who was named for his grandfather Ving, who was named for his grandfather Ving, and so on back to time immemorial. I expected to name my own grandson Ving someday to carry on the tradition. But now, no? Now you were willing to throw away thousands of years of family lore just so you could be legally called Lee?” After being guilt tripped by everyone around him, Ving went down to the courthouse the next day. He came back with some very bad news. As exorbitant as filing for the name change had been, the fee to cancel the name change was much higher, dozens of times higher. Even more than the government wanted to discourage people from changing their names on a whim, it wanted to discourage people from faffing about with the courts. No longer just enough to buy an SUV, the amount could buy a small mansion, and there was no way that Ving could afford that. So they all sat around the table looking despondent, until his brother Ling spoke up. ”Don’t worry about it, Brother,” Ling said. ”I’ve been saving money for a very long time, and I think I should just about have enough to cover the fee to cancel the name change. You can have that. Just… pay me back as soon as you can, okay?” Shocked, Ving asked his brother if he was sure about this. Ling nodded slowly. ”Just please, please pay me back, and as soon as you can. I worked really hard to save that money and I kind of have to have it.” Ving embraces his twin, and couldn’t find the words to express his gratitude. So he just said ”thank you, thank you” and hugged him even so harder. The next morning, the boys set out for the courthouse, stopping at the bank along the way so Ling could virtually drain his savings account to pay the fee. Then the boys continued their way to the courthouse to finish this business. In the meantime, however, their father was having very serious second thoughts. His son hated his name, and here he was, his own father, forcing him to keep it. How could that not breed resentment in his heart? And why? For the approval of some crumbling bones in the family crypt? And then there was the expense, the horrible expense. He knew that paying the fee would leave both of his sons virtually penniless, condemning them to a life of poverty. What kind of father would do that? His mind made up, the father determined to stop the boys before they made a terrible mistake. He takes off running as fast as he can out the front door towards the courthouse, and he catches the boys just before they enter. Gasping and out of breath, he grabs Ving and coughs out, ”Don’t! Stop! Be Lee, Ving! Hold on to the fee, Ling!”

Because Strauss was a cunt

r/SweetHomeAlabama

r/no

Granted. You can change your back, but the rest of you remains the opposite sex.

r/tall will empathise with you

I've searched for this on YouTube, Dailymotion, etc. and I'm not finding the old video I'm looking for. This was early YouTube, so not the brainrot we're getting today.

You are a stone cold atrocity.

You think the birds are going to grow up and fly away, instead they get eaten by a snake

Ah, I was at Mystays. It looks like you have better breakfast options, but my shower wasn't quite as low as in your pic. The room design is uncannily similar though.

While you're in the area, I highly recommend this place for food.

Coffee ☕

We shared an office for two years lol

As it happens, it was AI itself which created this myth

https://www.gadgetreview.com/ai-creates-mass-hallucination-and-makes-internet-think-windows-12-releases-soon

Alkakis are better at this

Factorial of 2017 is 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Its decimal logarithm is 5791.671287522661413201292759769187367726068893133

"Pegboard Nerds" is also an anagram of "Ed's Badger Porn".