u/Grand_Mode

I think different situations call for different gurus. It is up to you to decide what path will lead to healing at this time, and that path and guru might change after you've learned what you needed to learn from them. I like Dr. Ettensohn, but I don't think he is a monolithic figure. Dr. Ramani has helped me too, and it was what I needed to hear at that time, but I view her more as an therapist specializing in abusive relationships rather than a npd specialist. She could be doing a good bit of harm by equating abuse and npd so closely, but it has gotten the word out to people that need help. So I can't really judge any of them harshly.

I would like to arbitrate this one. If he has risen, was he really dead? Doesn't seem fair to me. Wouldve liked to have a physica confirm that there was no heartbeat before the bet was declared resolved.

You'll have to match the resistance of the filter with its surface area and your pre-filter to the power of the blower. Without that info, you'll just be shooting in the dark. It's best to have at least 6" of plenum, 12" is better, and for the fan to be centered so you can have uniform flow. Seems like a squirrel cage blower would hold the pressure more evenly than a fan blower, but I don't know enough about it to be sure. If you're going through the trouble of building it yourself, hammer out the details and get it right. It sucks having to rebuild the hood and buy new equipment after trying to build it with guess work, that I can verify. It is very convenient to have a fan that has adjustable flow as well.

The world is constantly punching us, and our natural response is to punch back. Unfortunately, punching back usually results in the same old shit; more pain, loneliness, shame, and collapse in return. Change your response, and the results will change too. Except just small changes your response by being stoic or just changing your affect isn't enough. It really takes deep transformational change, which is really fucking hard and will take everything you have, in my experience, and not that ive done it very much. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I think it should just be renamed as identity diffusion instead of npd at this point.

Well, it's my truth at least :)

I found that I couldn't fully see myself without seeing their mind more holistically, and how their mind created a distorted image that was reflected into my heart as my self hood developed. Anger can help fuel some growth, but the wound happened so long ago before anyone knew it was happening, just like it happened to them. Starting fresh is not possible, but what I have now is good enough to create some happiness with a lot of work, grieving, and patience. I wish you well on your path.

I'll be the dissenting voice here. I think your questions are healing questions to ask in your circumstance. Listening to folks like Dr. Ramani on YouTube helped me to feel seen as a victim of physical and emotional abuse, but I found another youtube channel by Dr. Ettensohn called heal npd which I found after considering that maybe I was the problem after reaching paranoid states of seeing narcissism in previous partners and my family members. There is a huge stigma around the disorder, so sometimes even people that have it can't see it and seek help because it is almost synonymous with being an evil human. It seems to be a varied and complicated disorder with many variations, although there are plenty of malignant narcissists that are doing incredible amounts of damage to everyone around them.

I thought that I was just co-dependent, which made me vulnerable to narcissists, and the truama bond from childhood made the relationships feel right. But, for me at least, the "truth" of whether or not i was the problem wasnt important. What was important was viewing things in a way that allowed me to heal. Npd has so many sides to it, maybe the part of me that wanted to be good enough for my partners by always trying to be extraordinary had elements of vulnerable narcissism to it. Maybe that's just what other narcissists wanted me to be, and there were parts that resisted, and parts that became compliant. Many of the parts seemed to be the result of people not seeing me for the developing self that I was, which is how narcissism is created in the first place. Coming into contact with that construct of myself that needed validation from others was very powerful. Check out that Dr. Ettensohn channel. I would imagine many people here would not recommend it, as it seeks to show npd through the lense of treatment, and many new people are in a position where it is important that they protect themselves by leaving an abusive relationship rather than take on the role of trying to work with it. But for me, having a better understanding of the nature of the core wound allowed me to remove some of the judgemental scar tissue over my heart, and that has finally allowed some healing to take place after many years of stalled growth. The progress seems more helpful for not repeating some of the old patterns that I was engaging in, rather than just viewing everyone with suspicion before doing the same thing over and over as i encountered more varied abusers. I hope this helps you stranger, please ignore if you don't think going down this particular road would be helpful. Healing isn't linear, but you should at least be finding the path that shows a general trend line going upwards, even when there are temporary regressions.

Nah, wait another year at least

In my experience, yes, there is a depressed part. Welcome that part into the circle and thank them for being here with you. How old is that part? How has that part protected you in the past? Unblending is recognizing that those feelings aren't "you", they are the feelings of a part of you that needs to be heard and supported. You have to develop a lot of curiosity about that part, why it exists the way that it does, what things triggars it, what relieves it, how to talk to it and let it know that you won't abandon that part no matter what, and will always offer it unconditional love and understanding.

Also, watching how the parts interplay with other parts. Usually the depressed part has an interaction with an angry part, and addicted part, or a submit part. Seeing it all as a bunch of pieces of yourself, rather than one big depression might help to gain understanding and acceptance. The last step isn't simply to see all the parts, but to make a healing narrative that supports yourself and each one of the parts. I.e. responding to these events kept the depressed part safe in the past, but now I can talk to that part and let it know that I am going to make sure it is safe because things are different and my actions will now support it.

Your rocker isn't rocking. Clean the pipe with a pipe cleaner, and make sure there isn't a something stuck in your weight that is stopping it from rocking. Also, please tell me you have plenty of water in that thing and youre not blasting the temps up super high. Heating too fast is a danger with outdoor stoves.

There is a trauma epidemic, so they really are everywhere. Depending on your zip code, 1/4 of the people you meet could have strong traits of npd. And depending on your family system, they could be everywhere. While most people have the ability to express some healthy narcissism, i.e. talking about your accomplishments, I think that the malignant narcs and psychopaths are relatively rare. Even being rare though, they still make up like 1% of the population, so they literally are everywhere.

Sick! Thanks, I needed a visual for that! Going off of time for my set-up just didn't correlate to anything that I read.

Hey! Thank you for your advice. I also appreciated the koji substack that you linked for haze on my other post. I'm hoping to look into it soon. I think the rice was just old, and I need to figure out a better way to steam it more evenly. I'm did it in a wok with a weird set up, but never again.

I'm growing it in a styrofoam cooler. Leaving it uncovered for the first 24hrs so it gets lots of oxygen. Im thinking in the future ill cover it for the first 24 with a cotton cloth, then uncover it for the second 24. Humidity at 85% with a ultrasonic humidifier for the first 24, then 70% for the second (maybe i should lower that to 60? The rice was already kinda dry so i didnt want it drying out any more) temp with a sous video machine set to 120, which keeps the Koji at around 85 degrees f, it starts to self emolate in the second 24 so i have a computer fan in the bottom of the cooler that draws out some of the heat. Ive been keeping it at low 90s for the second 24hrs. oxygen is being added to the jar with the sous vide with an aquarium bubbler. Mixing at 24.

Really appreciate any advice youre willing to share. Thanks again!

My nex wanted sex every time we hung out, and I lost enjoyment for it. It felt similarly to what you describe. They are unable to reach attunement with their partners, and often have not idea that they aren't giving you enough care. I was grateful after we broke up that I didn't have any sex drive. It was my body's way of telling me that something wasn't right, and I need to work on things internally so that that doesn't happen again. I don't know if your drive will go back to where it was. I do know that that part of you is still there, but it might need lots of kindness, compassion, and safety to come out again. Best not to pathologize your lowered sex drive. It is completely normal and natural, and is part of your bodies process towards healing. The road is long for all of us, and usually not always linearly trending upwards, but healing is always possible as long as you still have your sanity and air in your lungs. Get really in tune with that part of yourself that wasn't cared for, and figure out ways to let it know that you now have to tools to give that part support in the future if that every happens again.

Thanks for you experience. Is it because my rice was too wet to start with or because my humidity was too high? I thought my rice was too undercooked to start, but i have no way to know what exactly it should be. I like al dente pasta, but it was definitely more underdone than al dente to the point where i would not have eaten it yet if it were pasta, so the rice was a little crunchy both before i inoculated and afterwards it finished when I tasted it. I had my humidity at 85% for the first 24hrs and 70% for the second. Thank you for your thoughts if you have time to share more of them!

I steamed it unbagged in a wok. I just started some fresh rice that was grown in the past year, and the difference is night and day with how it looks and how it is taking on water with the soak. Turns out, fresh quality rice is important. I figured I'd use the old rice while I was learning, but it just was not appropriate.

Dating sites are aid. Clearly needs all the help he can get as a typical climber with a micro-phallus and too many hemorrhoids for Grindr.

Hey! Yes, the 300w was more than necessary. It didn't hurt anything but the system almost never turned on. My new set up has heat coming from a sous vide machine sitting in the glass jar with an aquarium oxygenator.

My biggest problem was keeping the Koji from killing itself after the first 24 hrs. Got a little warm and sporulated a little early. I routed some channels in the cedar try to hopefully allow the fan to draw out more heat. Starting some rice today! I hear it doesn't get as hot as the barley that I used in my first attempt.

Which is the part that isn't in love with your partner? They seem worried about some incompatibility. Which is the part that wants a partner that is more in line of your ideal? Why is that ideal important to that part? Which part is worried about leaving your partner, and is scared that they might be left alone without any partner at all? How can your reassure that part?

It seems like you are blending a lot. I think it would be helpful to hear each part, and accept that it is okay, and completely healthy, that they are not all on board with building a life around your current partner. It is good that you're working through this now instead of in another 3 years down the road.

It'll be fine to use bucket tek. I've had weird plants from thailand growing out of one tub after I had pasteurized the coir. Your coir doesn't need to be sterile, or even completely pasteurized to perfection. Clean grain spawn is super resilient, and it should colonize the sub long before anything else can take hold. Ive read about someone that didn't even bother pastuerizing their coir, just filled the tub with water from a hose.

I've read into this, and I couldn't find anything that said they were stronger when they were soft. I think it is something that gets repeated, but isn't necessarily true. Please link me if you have a source for that info. Genuinely curious!

I can tell when they haven't grown much in a couple days to dermine maturity. I think when they get soft they are actually starting to rot.