u/JoeIsAMarbleBandit

I'll say what my mum said to me 'keep your finger out of there and it'll stop bleeding'

Oh, those cheeky chaps. Always violating international policy and law. What'll they do next??

I'm sure you've got a lot of good replies here, but as there is so many I've not read through to make sure I'm not giving the same advice, but I've had the same problems at times. My easy solution is to throw x amount of my wage into premium bonds. Its pretty easy to pull the money out if I need it quickly, but the hassle tends to put me off bothering. Plus I occasionally win some money.

I'm convinced she hired Michael Jackson's makeup people after Jacko snuffed it.

Big breasts, tiny waist and huge hands.

The dream figure

Stop being so suburban.

Fateful Findings 2014 - Here is the ending. It really shows you the downside of capitalism.

r/anime_titties

Your Dad didn't think you were worth wasting a bullet on, so why the fuck do you think people will waste their time roasting you?

Are you sure it doesn't mean fire crackers?

This isn't roastme, but take my upvote

Dietpi

I must be offsetting some manc chav as I do neither.

Did it get you that big breasted goth girlfriend you were hoping it would?

Why the fuck are you looking through your mum's handbag? Just be an adult and ask her.

Looks like the little lad is beating his dick like a red headed step child. Tell the mum to calm down and let the little bastard be. He's not hurting anyone.

Have you started your tea IV drip? If not then you're obviously not suited to being a Brit. I don't even get out of bed until I've had six cups of builders tea through my veins and eaten 2 full English breakfasts. Also don't forget to throw bricks or stones at anyone who is not white Protestant. We don't need them and we don't want them. Eat curry.

It's a penis girth measurer. You get yourself erect (I just think of boobs) and then pop this over your John thomas. If it is too small, congrats you have a massive beast. If it's too big, tiny willy.

Looks like a 14f, whereas you need a 14b to clean a chicken soup nozzle.

Can you pm that link? I've been looking for some bizarre presents this year.

Fat hitch? I laughed.

I love when my girlfriend shouts "you're the man" like fucking Joe Rogan after I've made cum multiple times.

It's really beautiful and almost as romantic when she screams "stick a finger in my cunt" like Gilbert Gottfried.

Arrival of chavs

Oh, nigro in the middle of the brand name. A bit of a stretch.

I'm white British and I have never heard of black history month outside the US. I've never heard of anyone say you can't be proud of your heritage and we do celebrate our heritage nationally. You should be proud of the British heritage. Our ancestors have made this world better and that deserves celebration.

This poor deluded sod is confused about US black people. They don't know their heritage, so they have to clump together as black. This is why black pride etc. Chinese New year is celebrated by Chinese people, not Japanese, not Korean as they aren't Chinese.