u/Lucky-Strength-297

What's your budget? Anything you want/don't want/like/love? 

Obligatory recommendation for the hope & plum Lark!

I don't love my Lenny hybrid for front carries because of how thick the waist band is. Just feel like it's never sitting quite right and I'm constantly adjusting it. But I love it for bank carries where the physical geometry works a little better! 

Other cons: I don't love the location of the hood attachment, I think it bothers my baby because it digs in to his shoulders. Tieing that much fabric around yourself is a lot in warm weather. I would have made the panel an inch or two taller and wider to make the carrier last longer. 

All that said I do really love this carrier and it makes my 20+lb baby feel weightless on my back. beautiful color and pattern. Nice long ties.  Pretty happy with mine.

The concern is having her face potentially covered. You want the top of the back panel to come no higher than the nape of the neck/bottom of the ears. If that's already happening then I wouldn't worry about the minimums! If she's too low in the carrier you can try a different carrier like a ring sling which can be used with teeny tiny babies, or put a rolled up towel or receiving blanket under her to get her to fit. You can also post a fit check in r/babywearing if you're not sure if the current fit is safe!

University houses preschool is a party day parent co-op preschool on the West side, you could have your kid attend just a couple days a week for 3 hours. It's a nice chill learning environment and they spend all the time they can outside! 

Co-op playgroup of Madison is another option, this is for a few hours once a week and parents stay with the kids. No structured activities but lots of toys to play with: https://m.facebook.com/coopplaygroup/?wtsid=rdr_0wzo7ufttzm4uizqt

I have a big baby too and use our Lark a ton. A half buckle (mine is from Lennylamb) is also comfortable especially for back carries.

This is what you really need: https://smallfamilycsa.com/community/recipes/478-the-great-dane-inner-warmth-squash-peanut-stew

I usually roast the squash ahead of time because it'll take forever to soften on the stove.

I mean in some countries babies are worn like all day every day as their moms go about their lives so I think whatever we manage here is probably fine! 

I regularly have my 7 month old in the carrier for 3-6 hours a day and he seems to be doing great 🤷‍♀️

It's like when I complain that my husband bought ANOTHER Blu-ray: he says they're small, they barely take up space, they're nearly stored, it's his spending money and they bring him joy. And I realize I'm being unfair to someone I love and I laugh and ask what movie he got. If there's a pile of unused baby carriers in the middle of the living room that you bought on your credit card that's one thing but what harm is one more cheap baby carrier hanging on a hook? 

I have:  -H&P Lark -Oscha Bairn -Oscha ring sling -H&P ring sling -Lennylamb half buckle -Didymos meh dai (casually trying to sell) -Base size woven wrap  -Base-2 size woven wrap (considering selling) -Oscha onbuhimo, currently with Oscha being repaired -Ergobaby 360 (super backup car carrier) -Solly stretchy wrap (tucked away to give to someone who gets pregnant)

Have you ever asked him why he doesn't like you? I'd bet he's just upset at you about something but doesn't have sophisticated enough language to express it. "Do you not like me because I wouldn't let you throw an egg on the ground? Next time you can say 'I'm mad at you Mama!'"

Obviously he doesn't not like you! But he does possibly have some negative feelings about something you've done (fair haha) that he's trying to express. I always find it's more useful to be curious about the source of language like this than to try to shut it down.

I love the star one, it looks just like falling Snow! These are really getting me in the Christmas mood!

Tula light or similar? Lennylamb carriers also have a pocket and are lightweight-ish. Though as others say your Artipoppe should work just fine!

Cyber truck looks cool

I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old and every age feels better than the last! I think I've said "this is the best age" every month for the last 2+ years. 

My 3 year old just said "I'll keep you safe (baby)", then came over and rubbed the baby's foot. He can do puzzles. He can play independently for 20+ minutes. He doesn't make a huge mess every meal. Goes to bed and sleeps through the night. Can get his own snack. Just an awesome age! 6 month old... I wouldn't say I've enjoyed any age up until now but things are looking up!

Kindly and gently - is there a reason it's stressing you out so much when she nurses? What about it is making you so tense and uncomfortable? I think that's the part that's causing you problems, not the actual nursing frequency.

It sounds like she's doing great. My 7 month old is on a pretty similar pattern - eats every couple hours during the day. If I remember right my first also nursed every couple hours until 1+, after I went back to work at 12 weeks he'd drink  4-5 4ish oz bottles so again, every two hours or so.

Not to answer with another stupid question but have you tried just loosening the top straps and lifting baby out? When my guy was tiny I'd loosely tie my (non Oscha) meh dai before getting in the car and then I'd just slide him in/out the top when we got where we were going. Worked great. I'd assume the Cairis works similarly?

Super duper normal. My 3 year old just went through an alive/dead phase where he asked a ton of questions about death. Just answer truthfully and briefly. "No one knows when they'll die but hopefully it won't be for a very long time. Most people live until they are much older than Mama and Dada are". See what else comes up. She's just curious and probably senses that this is a topic that makes adults uncomfortable!

Almost 7 months and my baby seems to be moving away from waking up because he has to poop. FINALLY. It was annoying but I always figured if he had to poop he had to poop so EC wasn't changing anything and I may as well save myself the dirty diaper change. But there were certainly some nights that had a little less sleeping or woke up much earlier than I'd prefer for a while.

You've gotten great answers to 1-4 so I wanted to add a thought for #5. I grew up on the West Coast and love living in Madison. Yes on all metrics you list it's going to be worse. It just is. But it's SO livable. Not insanely expensive. Traffic is a breeze. Easy to live 15 minutes or less from where you work on any realistic budget. Any place you might want to go in the city is 30 minutes away max so you can actually go to that cool restaurant you've been hearing about. Safe. Tons of parks if you have kids. Not flashy necessarily but really solid. A great place to live a normal low key life.

Stopped worrying about sleep. Just rolled with it and didn't fight it. Leaned in to what was easy and felt right for our family. Is he a good/great sleeper? No. But more importantly, am I bothered by it? NO. I go to bed early on days I'm extra tired and otherwise focus on other things!

I would be tempted by something like the gooseket in your situation! Or just get a big fanny pack type bag (Didymos moon bag or other) that you would use even without baby. If it doesn't work then oh no you have a new bag that you love. My Cotopaxi small size fanny pack will definitely support a bit of baby's weight in a pinch, though the large size would be better. Obviously the tushbaby is designed for that and you can always give it a try but if it doesn't appeal to you I think trying something else is a good idea!

I wonder if he's just not interested in owning the process because it's been too controlled. Even a 30 minute timer would have driven my kid crazy! We had great success with having him bottomless, talking a ton about feelings in his body, having the potty within arms reach and putting him on the potty when he started peeing. He caught on really quick. It teaches them to pay attention to how their body feels and act when they feel that feeling which I think might get missed for some kids when you do timed intervals. Plus when they're bottomless and playing close to the potty it's easy for them to just stop and go! Might be worth a try. Just keep it low key!

I think you probably should pause just because you've gotten to a bad emotional spot with this for both of you. Just take a break for a few weeks or months or whatever. What really struck me was that your approach involves a lot of you telling him what to do and reminding and nagging. Maybe try an approach next time that gives him a little more control and autonomy? I realized with my kid that asking "do you need to go potty?" is an automatic NO, but if I leave him alone to decide when to go on his own time he rarely has accidents, though he does leave it for later than I'd prefer! But it's his body and he needs to own the process so what can you do.

Is individual therapy an option for you? It sounds like you've been through a LOT. I also lost a parent around 6 and struggle with the intense reality of death and therapy was amazing. The fear is there but it doesn't stop me from living my life. I think some therapy would be really helpful for you if it's available where you live. If you don't have access to that, maybe reading a book would be helpful? I loved Motherless Daughters (and then Motherless Mothers) by Hope Edelman.

As for your relationship - I think it's probably hard to be a good partner when you have so much trauma to process! I think a therapist could help you both work through your own trauma and find ways to connect better with your partner. 

So sweet and what a fun quilt. My aunt made a quilt with me when I was 8ish, it's still one of my most prized possessions.

We didn't say it was good we just said that we missed it 😭