u/Mimsy-Borogoves

Sums it up pretty well!

It’s certainly possible to find a likeminded partner, but if you’re looking for a monogamous relationship, that might be tough within the public BDSM community. It skews very heavily poly (at least in the U.S.).

I met my husband on a vanilla dating app years ago and we’re both into BDSM. There are plenty of kinky people on vanilla apps, so if you haven’t tried that route, you might want to.

I met my husband on Bumble years ago. At the time, I was looking for men into BDSM but was afraid of attracting faceless dom types, so I didn’t mention anything explicit about BDSM in my own profile—just general sex positivity. I mostly looked through men’s profiles for clues. That worked pretty well. My husband had “kinky” in his profile.

Glad to hear that!

Felice (on Gold) in the financial district is very solid and won’t break the bank. I’ve been there many times including with large groups.

I recently went to a birthday dinner at Palma in their private room upstairs. There were about 17 of us. Not sure about pricing but it was a great space and the food was really good.

Thanks!

Definitely do some research first. A really important thing to remember is that you should never be hitting with full force. It should all be very controlled on your end. And when it comes to the face, you should be aiming for the fleshy part of the cheek, and you should mostly use your fingers rather than your whole hand.

My partner and I have written a guide on face slapping that goes into more detail and might be helpful: https://bound-together.net/intro-to-face-slapping/

Lowerline for #5

The Liberty on 35th between 5th and 6th has a happy hour until 8 pm.

For me it has to do with a contrast. The idea that anyone would actually consider me to be a whore or a slut in real life is laughable, which is precisely why it’s a turn-on for me in bed. It gives me the opportunity to be someone else—someone who is completely comfortable desiring others and being desired. It’s also fun to play with taboo in this way.

No limits isn't a real thing, and anyone who says it is or says they have no limits hasn't really thought about it very seriously. I'm sure if someone proposed breaking that person's legs, they would suddenly have very clear limits.

I think "no limits" is sometimes a very poorly phrased way of saying that their partner knows what is and isn't possible within the dynamic without needing to negotiate everything in advance.

My husband and I have been running a BDSM blog called Bound Together since 2018. We’ve written lots of how-to guides, think pieces, and recaps of the latest scientific research on BDSM.

Check it out! https://bound-together.net/

Thanks so much! The distinction between fantasy/roleplay and reality is a big one for us. And yes, it’s often lost online!

Rub your clit during PIV or have him do it.

Sure

Ha! What did you say? If you don't want to go into detail you can just say it's a Dan Savage thing and you're a big Dan Savage fan.

Agree.

I mean I literally asked them what they were into in in-app messaging. I didn't even bother meeting up with anyone I wasn't at least sexually compatible with on paper. I think my opener to my husband on Bumble was "Kinky caught my eye" (because he had "kinky" in his profile). Then we were off to the races. It wasn't as weird as it sounds. Once we established that we were kink compatible, we chatted about a bunch of other things and then pretty quickly set up a first date.

When I was doing it, the only thing I had in my profile even remotely related to kink was "GGG" (good, giving, game). For the same reason you mentioned, I avoided anything more blatant. Instead, I focused on looking at men's profiles for clues. I actually met my husband on Bumble, and he had "kinky" listed in his profile. I encountered a fair number of other men with similar descriptors: kinky, kink positive, sex positive, etc.

Also, I cut to the chase pretty quickly once I started chatting with someone to make sure we were on the same page kink-wise. I wasn't interested in going too far down a road with someone I would ultimately be sexually incompatible with.

I would focus on conventional dating apps, especially if you aren't specifically seeking someone who is poly. (The vast majority of people in the public BDSM scene are poly.) There are plenty of kinky people on Bumble, Tinder, etc. That was what worked for me when I was single.

As a couple of other people have noted, I would focus on conventional dating apps rather than Fet and Reddit. There are a lot of kinky people out there who aren't necessarily in the scene, so to speak, especially if they're monogamous. The vast majority of people in the public BDSM scene are poly.

I'm a monogamous sub who met my kinky husband on Bumble eight years ago. He had been in and out of the public BDSM scene but was using conventional dating apps for dating. He helpfully listed "kinky" in his profile, and we went from there. I would focus on looking for people who signal something similar in their profiles, and you can signal in yours as well.

Nope! Or at least not in the sense of the floaty, flying feeling some people get due to endorphins. I've been a sub for years and have never experienced that (I've also never experienced a so-called "runner's high"). I used to feel insecure about this (and wrote about that here: https://bound-together.net/am-i-a-subpar-sub/), but I got over it. At the end of the day, being a good sub has nothing to do with being able to get into subspace.

Forget your dynamic. This guy is telling you what you’re going to do without your consent. He’s not a good dom and is not practicing a cardinal rule of BDSM (consent). You need to get out of this relationship.

I once saw someone bruise within a few minutes by getting caned. Maybe try that.