u/MsMerrimack

Nothing is inherently dominant or submissive. Anything can be framed either way. You don't suddenly become submissive because there's a penis in you.

I find they usually out themselves when I make it clear I have no interest in being on that side of the slash.

I read it the same way. I know what I like. I don't have any deep reasoning behind why I like it.

So what you're seeing as a vulnerable conversation, they could very well be seeing as someone else just trying to pick at something that they either haven't, and/or don't want to, examine like that.

Exactly this. It's amazing how many times this conversation has been initiated by a male D-type who is convinced I'm only a D-type because of trauma and only he has the magical psychological knowledge, somehow synonymous with dick, to turn me into an s-type. I suppose a person could say there's trauma behind what I don't like :)

Make him keep his own hands in place and punish/funish for deviating.

I don't. I expect adults to act as adults. I wasn't interested in a project or a student. I picked someone who was what I wanted in a partner.

he just said: “well, that’s just BDSM.”

Short answer: no. Long answer: he can want things and you still get to say no to them. This guy's waving red flags.

You don't have to be the only cheerleader. You could dress them up, make them do exercises, direct them through a routine, walk on them, or whatever other kinks you two might be into. If you can put an endurance or counting twist on some of your kinks, you could literally cheer them through the set.

You're not obligated to play with everyone who presents themselves as an s-type. If you're not into this person, break it off.

Preferring younger men doesn't negate choosing adult men. I'm not interested in being someone's surrogate mother, therapist, teacher, or life coach. My relationship is not unilateral; we're partners.

how do you deal with any insecurities about aging and your face growing much older than his?

They age too. Our faces are as many years apart today as they were the day we met.

And fears that he would leave or cheat on you with a girl much younger..

He already expressed his preference and chose a lifetime with me. It was not a commitment we made lightly. If he is going to cheat, it's going to be devastating no matter what age the other person is. However, I have no reason to believe he would. He's already lived up to the worse and sickness parts.

Do couples go on vacations?

Why do you think an age-gapped couple is different?

You don't need a costume to dominate someone. Maybe you're a switch, maybe not. There's nothing that requires it to be 50/50. Vanilla is also a perfectly valid accompaniment to kink.

I value an independent sub who shows initiative. Being an active participant in a relationship is not only for D-types.

This is exactly why I don't claim to be anyone's surrogate mother, therapist, or life coach. A dynamic is a negotiated power exchange, not an excuse to become powerless.

Life isn't fair and breakups can be a part of it. I wasted so much time on the wrong people because I wanted to be nice, do the fair thing, give them a chance, etc. All that accomplished was keeping me from finding what and who I wanted. If a steamroller took me out tomorrow, I'm sure my sub would be devastated. Not because he'd be without a Domme but because the life we'd built together suddenly ended. I could have done everything possible to prepare and he'd still be questioning what he could have done to prevent it. That's a pretty human response.

The longer a person is in a relationship, the harder that sudden stop is at the end. By that logic, the fairest thing is to never be in one. Everything carries risk. Everyone has to decide what is acceptable for them.

You are just over the threshold of adulthood. Before you catastrophize your entire life, remember that fantasy isn't reality. Maybe you want to act on it, maybe you don't. Either way is fine. You can do whatever you want at whatever pace you want.

I'd think the obvious advice would be to stop wasting your time, and someone else's, on a relationship that isn't what you want.

If you don't want to be the dominant person in bed, stop being the dominant person in bed. Before you get there, tell your person what you want and find out what they want. Then the two of you can figure out if there's a way to make both of you happy or if you need to keep looking.

Stealth subbing is when a person has decided someone else seems dominant or makes them feel subby so they'll act submissive to that person with neither their knowledge nor consent. Stick around r/FemdomCommunity and you'll probably see some examples for yourself.

I find it to be a huge red flag. In my experience, it's a justification for stealth subbing, being presumptuous, and otherwise ignoring whether the woman/women consent to the belief holder's actions.

Im really attracted to older, dominant men and I initially fell for him because he looks the part.

Lesson learned about making assumptions. He might have thought you looked like his dream dominant.

Plus, its kind of offensive and sexist that embodying any "female characteristics" such as wearing panties or sitting down to pee is humiliating.

It might be worth exploring why one or both of you is associating feminizing with humiliation to find another means of humiliating or a different association with femininity.

You get to have limits. Pegging is a non-negotiable one of mine.

Lovense makes remote control toys. Something like the Diamo might suit your needs.

You could always ask. However, don't ask questions if you don't want to know the answer.

Red flag city.

A man at the bar was making jokes with another barman about how handsome my BF was, saying things like: “I bet he has woman constantly falling at his feet with their underwear around their ankles.”

I'd agree, then let the moron know he's mine. They're free to want but he knows who he's committed to.

Submission involves a power exchange. There can be no submission when coming from a powerless position.

I'd break up over the lying. If he lied about his age, what else is he lying about?