u/SnakePlantMaster

It looks like he was trying to convince you to let him get an OnlyFans with that pose tho….

Thanks ☺️ I’m going to. My insurance just partnered with Elektra. Going to explore it and see if it will be helpful.

Girls rule

I have medication reminders on my phone. I have to take the stimulant medication early and the Wellbutrin 2 hours later to avoid too much dopamine at the same time or I get restless. I have an alert that pops up when it’s time to take my meds and a reminder that comes up 30 mins later if I don’t log that I took it. When taking my medication regularly, it’s easier for me to convince myself to take my meds when the alert goes off rather than tell myself “I’ll do it later” because later never happens.

Step one: focus on the “idgaf who comes” energy Step two: change the mindset of “family Christmas gathering” and just make it yours. Step three: decide the non negotiable guests. For me, my cousin doesn’t have his daughter 100% of the time. I check with him when he’ll have the baby and then schedule around that. That’s a nonnegotiable for us. We want to make sure it’s a date and time that is in the custody agreement so we can have her with us. We’d all be shattered, baby and my kids included, if she wasn’t with us, so that’s a solid date picker for us. Step four: do an evite or something. If you can make it great. If not, maybe next year. You can send reminders or messages. It’ll be pushed to their texts or emails and the ball is in their court. If they don’t reply to the evite by the time you need a solid headcount, send a reminder to the people who haven’t replied. And that’s it.

You’re doing gods work by planning the damn thing. Make it work for you and that’s it! It’s stressful and enough to plan it. You will never be able to make everyone happy. If you want- send an anonymous survey with a couple dates and say which dates work the best and the date with the most possible attendees will be the winner. The anonymity makes it so no one can say you’re favoring some people over others. Just “this was the best date for the most responders, hope you can make it!” Done!

I take my meds everyday. I take Vyvanse. I find with this medication in particular, I’m better regulated when I take it daily. When going through a shortage, I was skipping days I didn’t feel it was important to think, and I found that it took me longer for my brain to get back “on line”. I also take Wellbutrin which helps keeping my dopamine levels from crashing completely.

When I took IR adderall, I routinely skipped days and played around with my dosage. I’m a teacher, and on long breaks I would take little med breaks. On weekends I’d take half dosages. So if I took 20mg in the am and a 10mg booster if needed? On the weekends, I’d only take mg in the morning and if there was need a little 5-10 in the afternoon. I had taken the medication for years so I felt really comfortable with adjusting when and where I needed to. I always checked in with my Dr and made sure my plans or what I did was good and they always encouraged taking less as much as possible. This really helped my tolerance stay on the lower side over the 20 years or so I took adderall. With the regulations now, I don’t think my doctor can prescribe me this way, but maybe speak to your prescribing doctor and ask for a step down dosage to be less “on” during the weekends? This way you still get some of the benefits but also will get better sleep and eat better. 🤷‍♀️

While it may be true that adhd is having an effect on his actions and behaviors (including the cheating unfortunately/ adhd makes us dopamine junkies and sex is a huge dopamine hit), and in some part his reaction to your calling him out on it (rejection sensitivity), it should not be an excuse and shouldn’t be all put all back on you. His lack of action is a choice. My husband carries a large load of our household responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean I relinquish all responsibility. Even as the adhd one, I still am the default parent in many ways. If someone is hungry, the kid asks me for food. If hubs is there, he’ll get up and get them food. Your husband’s actions might be adhd connected, but lack of desire to change, is a personality issue. We use a shared calendar to communicate due dates, activities, etc. My husband will add something and then follow up later with “I added an appointment to the calendar, did you get it?” I do not get defensive! I recognize that I NEED the reminder/ check in. He’s not calling out my inadequacies, more helping me with my weaknesses. Now- this is my second marriage, I’ve been in therapy for 15 years, and I take medication. I’m doing the work to fix me. He’s not. Yes. You need patience, but he needs action. You’re doing the work to be supportive of the situation, with understanding; he’s just hoping he’ll wake up and not have adhd anymore. It doesn’t work like that.

I’ve been in middle school for 15 years and this break has always been dedicated to nothing. We do nothing. We forget the day of the week. Forget the last shower I took. Eat a 100% carbohydrate diet. I do still force myself to go to the gym, ya know, for my mental health. Other than that, it’s bed rotting, to couch rotting, to bed rotting, repeat daily until doom sets in on January 1st.

I, too, have been on antidepressant for several years. I don’t even associate this break’s activities or lack there of to clinical depression. I truly need the break from everything. Listen to your body. If you go back to work and you’re struggling, then reassess. I’ve long stopped telling myself that anything will get done this break. It won’t. I stopped lying to myself years ago.

You know yourself best. As a person who has struggled with mental health issues for 25 years, behaviors that are concerning to other people for me are less concerning. If I’m able to get up and be functional on January 2, I’m good. If I start missing work, for me that’s unusual. That’s when it is a major concern. Me blowing off everyone and isolating myself and choosing to not leave my house- that’s normal behavior for me. My husband knows it too and will always invite me to do things, but doesn’t take it personal and I’m like thanks but no thanks. 🙂‍↔️

Tl;dr: you’re not a loser!

You’re right- you don’t involve your kids in your own personal feelings like that. The adhd mind is very different than bipolar or other mental health disorders. I struggle with passive suicidal ideation daily as long as I can remember, actually thought it was normal to think about jumping in front of the train every day until my therapist was like umm nahhh not normal. When I’m overstimulated and my kids throw me just a little more over the (figurative) edge, I struggle with impulsively saying shit I shouldn’t. I somehow always stop right before being the absolute worst version of myself, but it’s getting harder as my daughters symptoms are getting more uncontrolled. I’ve never told my kid to “shut up” but the last few months I’ve said it more than a couple times. It’s not something I like saying. It’s mean. But after the 7th time of asking her to stop doing whatever she’s doing that’s overstimulating, it comes out because I’m done. I don’t like cursing at her. But just yesterday at the museum, I told her at least 30 times to not hang on my arm. I have a bad neck and I was just touched out from her and her brother. The 31st time, I flipped out waving my arm and stopped myself just short of saying “stop f***ing hanging on me!” So when I read about OP’s situation, I was like damn. Been there. Not that I’ve said that exact thing, but I’ve been damn close. So, yeah, you’re right. She shouldn’t have said that. She’s very aware of that and not at all proud of it. But she’s also afraid people are going to judge her for being in a place to have said that, which is kinda what your doing. And isn’t really helpful. She’s already looking for support for her whole family, and she’s doing what she can to remedy it.

Literally the only answer.

🫣we saw nothing.