u/crosbionic

If I won I'd sell the ram to put my youngest through college.

Favorite game: Chrono Trigger

Option B 2

Character Trepidatia

I've been a casual player for years, but I've never done the end game. This year I have a couple chars to 90 and have a shot at doing all the content and bosses but I find myself stalling out at red maps. I could obviously learn how to craft and spend time in my hideout flipping items to get the divines required for a build to push, but I'd love to just plop down the currency for a mage blood and see what the fuss is all about lol.

Few things to unpack here. First and foremost, go easy on yourself! You are not immune to having strong feelings nor should you beat yourself up over them. They're very real and there is nothing selfish or immature about experiencing big feelings in regards to your previously monogamous relationship.

Just based on the post, it sounds like what you guys were doing previously was purely kink related and/or sexual. While there is a lot of overlap in kink and polyamorous communities, poly isn't inherently sexual. Now that there are some bigger feelings at play, it is totally valid to maybe feel a little insecure. We address insecurity in ourselves by identifying it, taking ownership of it, and attacking it head on. Here's where I recommend therapy if you're not already seeing a therapist. Learn how to set boundaries to keep yourself safe and maybe most importantly put in a lot of effort into seeing your own value and loving yourself super hard. Couples therapy is also fantastic at teaching things like effective communication with each other.

Big kudos for not throwing in the towel. I think its important not to speedrun non monogamy and take things nice and slow. There is a lot of hard work in both of y'alls future but the rewards go way beyond romantic relationships. Good luck!

Changing your relationship dynamic is not now, nor will it ever be a way to fix a relationship. It places a lot of stress on the existing dynamic and shines a big bright light on any previously questionable behaviors. If he's insecure and jealous around men but would have no problem with you dating a woman, that means he doesn't see women as a "threat" to his relationship. Advice? Don't do it. But also don't take advice from strangers on the internet. If you're serious about doing polyamory, consider reading the resources available here in the sub. There is some great stuff. It takes a great deal of effort to make even monogamous relationships work long term. Poly relationships take even more.

Trust is the cornerstone to any relationship but it is especially important for polyamorous relationships due to having multiple stakeholders health at risk. From a purely logical point of view, ask that he get tested before you resume sexual activities with him. Protected or otherwise. You might also want to get tested for pure peace of mind. From an emotional point of view, I can see how you might be hurt by this. If he is more interested in telling you what you want to hear than being honest, this could be indicative of a much deeper issue. Take a little time to process and determine what part about this is actually bothering you. If it is bothering you, is it something you can move forward with? Like you said, trust is very broken right now so it would take a pretty big show of effort on his part to regain that trust. No matter the outcome, its a crappy situation and I'm sorry that it happened to you.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Work on disentangling your relationship and focus on what makes you a desirable partner. If it helps, ask your current partner what they see in you and why they're with you. Take a look at things from a purely objective standpoint. If you were a poly woman looking to date a poly man, would you see your advertisement and think to yourself this sounds like a secure, mature person who has a lot to offer me. If the answer is no, focus on making yourself into that person and do it for you, not anyone else. Self improvement brings fulfillment and fulfillment brings security and confidence.

DLSS for sure. Would be an enormous upgrade from my 2070

It's just a way to grasp at control in a situation where he feels out of control. If he can make you do a task, he's re taken his control of you. It's rooted in fear and insecurity, as most things are.

Hi! Also ASD and poly. I don't always have words, but I do have memes. I know expectations are hard because spoons and energy come at a premium some days. I frequently worry about disappointing people and can spiral if I get too in my head about it. My communication style can be described as reciprocal. If someone creates a subroutine by giving me the same input every day, it can get adopted into my life script. Where I've had trouble in the past is explaining to people that me initiating contact isn't a good gauge of effort in a relationship as my natural inclination is to exist very much in my own universe until reminded otherwise (and that will never change).

Do what is best for you and trust that the people in your life will do the same. I've found that to be the best policy when faced with tough choices. Change can be difficult, but I wouldn't pass up a great opportunity if it were me. Mostly for fear of it breeding resentment down the road.

It looks fun and has a fun combo with the crab. You'll get bodied by certain meta decks, but you'll take the occasional game I think assuming you can get your wincons out. The satisfaction of beating a Grislebrand with a flying crab might be worth it to you. It'd be worth it to me lol.

thanks!

Some of us (like me) need to feel a connection with a person we've matched with in order to feel safe meeting. The most common way to do this is to ask them questions and learn things about them in order to determine if we'd be a good match. Others of us (maybe OPs match) do not have that requirement and maybe would rather just meet in person to gauge this potential for a match and further dates. Sometimes is actually is just best to cut bait and move on to find someone who would be looking to build a connection via text before going out. If that is indeed your problem, that is.

Not uncommon to hear about these types of issues when a partner is dealing with their own insecurity regarding their partner dating other people. If the relationship is to continue, it is important that mono partner do some work on their own. As for your role in this; it appears you've done it by providing reassurance and possibly resources to read. A will need to take some responsibility for their own happiness and not place this responsibility solely upon their partner (which is really common in mono dating culture).

I took some inpsiration from a post I saw here yesterday. Addons are: Shadowed Unitframes, Bartender, Grid2, Sexy Minimap, KGPanels, and LS Glass. Still need to figure out a way to incorporate WA in a minimalistic or subtle way to track my cooldowns. Open to suggestions for sure.

You might not get a lot of super helpful replies given all of the limitations you have in regards to employment, but I hope you get some leads. Recently I was watching some of those really dumb facebook reels that give out these "life hacks" for quick easy money from home. I'm currently doing drop shipping via printify and etsy. Making really dumb t shirts that carry no financial responsibility until I sell one. My profit margins are low but I have a feeling if I put more time/effort into my designs and started feeding money into marketing I could potentially make some money with it. Another thing I've seen suggested which might actually be up your alley is acx.com . They employ voice actors to read audio books and you get paid I believe by the project or by the word. Best of luck to ya in your search.

The knob and slider combo is elegance in simplicity. It's very cool.

ND here. I can't/don't distinguish. I've offered labels before as a means to show other people that I'm committed to them, but I couldn't have a partner who wasn't also my friend. It takes me a good bit to build enough trust with someone to be physically intimate with them, and in that time I've always been able to determine if this person is my friend. In a world where friends are scarce, friends are always enough for me. I value those connections very much.

Thank you for the suggestion. I do agree with the statement as well.

If ENM is the goal and your partner does not share that goal, does that not place said partner as in the way of your goal? I didn't mean to sound dismissive of something previously established or rude. How could I better convey that?

Hey. Great on you for recognizing that this isn't for you. Honestly. Anyone who says that polyamory is a somehow evolved form of monogamy is either misinformed or ignorant. One of the absolute core tenants of ethical non monogamy is recognizing that other styles of relationships (assuming they are healthy) are incredibly valid. All the best to you as you move forward.