u/eablokker

You're trying to read her mind and jumping to conclusions. You don't know what kind of date she will or won't enjoy. These thoughts come up automatically because they are the result of specific negative feelings that you have about it. What emotions do you feel when you think of going on a date?

You could ask her though to find out. "What's the most interesting and exciting date you've ever been on?" "If you could imagine the most incredibly fun and exciting date you'd ever dream of going on, what would it be?" Or more simply "what do you like to do for fun?"

Ultimately it doesn't matter what the date is, what matters is that you use it as an opportunity to build comfort and trust and get to know each other on a deeper level. You learn about each other's life story and dreams for the future, which builds connection. And you get a sense of your compatibility. The date is just the stepping stone to the next goal: a second date or going home together. Or if you choose, not going on another date.

How much clay do you put in the bath?

Uhh, no, you're doing it wrong.

You have to get her feeling attracted to you first. Then you find something attractive about her personality and show her interest in that instead of her looks. Now you can show overt interest and it will work.

Don't skip the first step and don't assume that the first step is not possible to do.

These negative thoughts come from negative feelings that you have. Ask yourself, what is the emotion behind this thought?

For example, assuming the attractive woman wouldn’t want to date you. What emotion is that coming from? Could be something like feeling not good enough, feeling inadequate, or other bad feelings about yourself.

Try to be more specific than just “I feel bad”. What exact emotion is it?

Now let yourself feel the emotion. Allow it to come up and feel it fully.

These bad feelings are uncomfortable so we naturally try to avoid feeling them by resisting, interrupting, and distracting. But avoidance only keeps these emotions stuck. We have to instead feel it to release it. Once the emotion is released, its emotional energy is gone, and then we no longer have those feelings and thoughts anymore.

True, however that doesn’t mean being physically fit is the only thing that can make a woman feel safe. It’s just one of many options.

It’s an analogy. The body keeps the score, not the mind.

So you’re telling me you want to be in a relationship where you give her everything and she gives you nothing? Ok, you do you I guess.

It's more difficult because she already has certain emotions associated to you, so adding in new emotions that make her feel attracted to you kind of just gives you a muddy mix of the old and new. So she will have mixed feelings about you, like "I feel attracted to him but at the same time I don't", you know? It depends how bad of a negative impression you've already left. Easier if she just has a neutral impression of you. You can see some results, but overall it is so much easier with someone who is a blank slate who doesn't know you at all. First impressions are hard to change, but every new cold approach is a chance for a fresh new first impression.

However lets say you make a brand new acquaintance through friends, you've only just met them. That's a perfect opportunity to practice, because they are a blank slate (unless your friends told her anything negative about you).

I would use your acquaintances as a practice ground to see what kind of results you can get, but not expecting to see huge results, and keeping in mind that the same techniques can get better results on brand new women.

Whether its a good thing or not is between you and her. Ask her. Maybe she likes it, or maybe she'd prefer it gentler next time. We can't read her mind for you.

The traditional way throughout history has been through poetry, song, music, storytelling, and drama. Why do you think women fall in love with musicians and actors? Remember Beatlemania? Massive crowds of women screaming for the Beatles. And those guys weren't even particularly good looking. But they sang about love. So it's no wonder why women responded that way. It wouldn't have been the same if they were singing about hate, disgust, fear. Or singing about emotionless topics like math and engineering.

What are some things that you do to stimulate your emotions? Watching movies, listening to music, reading a good book. How do these mediums stimulate our emotions? There is an art to it. That's why its called "the arts."

A writer knows how to use language, dialogue, and situations between characters to make us feel things. A good singer or actor expresses emotions through they way they perform. We can feel it through them, because they are feeling it as they perform it.

This shows you that you can make someone feel emotions by feeling it yourself, and by expressing the emotion through the way you communicate. You can do it by the words you choose to describe something. Describing in detail how an emotion or emotional event feels. The topic of conversation. The social situations you engineer. Telling a story. Reciting a poem. Singing a song. Telling a joke.

Everyone will have different strengths and some people will lean on one skill or another. Some just do pure vibes game, where they just get themselves into a very strong emotional state and let that vibe do all the work. Others rely on scripted language routines. Others rely on engineering the social dynamics of the situation. All have the same goal and reason why they work, because it makes her feel some emotion.

My preferred method is to bring up the emotion directly through language, by having her access a past memory when she felt that emotion. I ask her, with artful language, to remember and recall times when she felt specific emotions, or emotional situations. And I ask about future fantasies when she would expect to feel some emotion in the future.

Not gonna go into the specific language used, as that's my personal technique, but just to give you a general outline of how its done.

Some of the emotions we want to target for attraction include connection, safety, humor, adventure, excitement. Beyond that, there can be other emotions that are useful in certain situations, such as jealousy and fear of loss. Each emotion corresponds to a certain range of behavior patterns. For example, how does someone behave when they feel safe vs unsafe? Humorous vs seriousness? Excitement vs boredom? You can see how each emotion brings about different kinds of behavior in general.

Knowing what to do is easy when you are in the right emotional state for it, because it's the emotions that drive your behavior effortlessly, rather than having to robotically force yourself to do it.

Your mind thinks its the one in control, but it's not. The proof is in the fact that you are not able to force yourself to approach. If your mind was really the one in control, then you'd be able to just do it. But you can't, because its your emotions that are really the one in control.

Approaching a stranger is hard because you have no positive emotional affect towards someone who you don't know, so you don't know how to behave towards them. And by that I don't mean that your mind doesn't know how to behave, but your body doesn't know how, because your body doesn't know what to feel about this person because you've never met them. You have no prior emotional associations with them. There is no emotional state present to drive your behavior forward.

Anyways you shouldn't be asking "why is it so hard" because all you're going to get are answers that reinforce the idea that its hard.

Instead you should be asking "How can I get myself to do it, so that it feels easy, and enjoy the process?"

You can do it through emotional retraining and incremental exposure. I wrote down my process here:

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"When you first approach a man, a majority of women including myself are first attracted to his money, I mean lets be honest on this. When you first approach, should you be honest that you are only approaching because you wanted his money or should you act like you are approaching him based on something else?"

How does that feel to you when you read it?

Don't you want to be loved for more than your money? Wouldn't you prefer that she loves you for who you really are on the inside, and money comes second?

Suppose though if she approached you and said "You look like you're rich, and I like that, but there are plenty of men in this world who are financially well off. What's truly special is to find a guy who has a good energy, a good attitude, a positive outlook on life. What else do you have going for you besides your finances?"

How does that feel to you? She's not denying that she's interested in your money, but she's saying its not THE most important thing. The important thing is who you are as a person.

That's the ideal approach you want to take with women. You don't have to hide that beauty has some importance though. You can cite beauty as the reason you approached. But frame it as beauty by itself is not enough. Which is a fact. Beauty + bitchy attitude = not attractive. You're approaching to find out whether she really is an attractive person or if its just skin deep.

Don't come off as the male version of a gold-digger.

You have an emotional need that the man is slightly superior to you but not too much. If he’s too focused on you then he’s inferior to you. If he’s not focused on you at all then he’s too superior. There is a balance zone. When he’s just a little superior to you, then he focuses more on his mission than you, but still focuses on you sometimes.

Someone posted the solution to this literally yesterday: https://www.reddit.com/r/gnome/comments/1x8dzus/i_made_a_small_gtk4libadwaita_app_to_add_custom/

That’s what you need to learn how to do. That’s what this sub is about.

There are different theories and schools of thought. Some believe in triggering her instinctual attraction switches, like female preselection, leader of men, carer of loved ones, etc. Displaying higher value through your behavior and communication.

I believe in getting her to feel emotions by talking about emotional experiences. Specific emotions that correlate with attraction, like connection, humor, safety, adventure, excitement.

It’s not something you can learn in a few minutes from a Reddit post. It takes some studying and a lot of experimentation. You’re not gonna get it on the first girl you try.

Rule #1 no posts about specific situations or people.

You can tell from this that her interest level is not high enough. Focus on increasing her interest first, or try someone else.

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Try using a shower filter like Aquasana

Magnesium is one piece of it. Mold messes with your gaba system so you need to be taking gaba and l-theanine too.

Everyone with mold is stuck in fight or flight, it’s triggered by the mold through the vagus nerve. So you really have to be doing nervous system work when you’re detoxing, like DNRS brain retraining and vagus nerve stimulation.

Yes, I had that too. ADH hormone controls urination and thirst. It’s out of whack so it thinks you’re too hydrated so it tries to dehydrate you. So you end up dehydrated no matter how much water you drink. Electrolytes are very important to hydrate you when this is happening. Gotta detox the mold toxins to get your ADH back to normal.

Not the answer for me but electrolytes are still very important in CIRS. Mold lowers your ADH hormone, which regulates hydration, so you end up getting dehydrated and unable to hydrate properly with normal water. You need electrolytes in your water to hydrate properly.

I use BodyBio e-lyte, you put it in your water. There are other brands that make mineral or electrolyte drops you put in your water. If you don’t have that you can put a pinch of sea salt in your water.

Failing the VCS is a very high chance you have mold toxicity.

The accuracy of the urine test depends on how well you’re excreting mycotoxins. Those results look suspiciously low to me. I wish I had a test that looked that good. Sometimes once you start detoxing mold properly the test will start to show much higher numbers.

Failing the VCS plus current symptoms is a pretty big sign it’s mold. There are other tests like a CIRS blood panel with MSH, ADH and VIP, and nasal swab for MARCONS.

For me, the best way out of a flare is DNRS exercises and Epsom salt bath.

I don’t have long covid but I have MCS, MCAS, food sensitivities, and CIRS. I’ve lived in many moldy places in the past. It’s not necessarily current exposure, but past buildup and colonization in your own nose and gut that you carry with you.

Taking binders never calmed down my nervous system. The things that work for that are DNRS, Neuroptimal neurofeedback, safe and sound protocol, the allowing method by Helmut Koeckritz and Sam Miller on YouTube. Listening to Feeling Safe from hypnosis downloads. GABA and l-theanine supplement. Epsom salt bath and infrared sauna.

Recently I’ve experimented with an exercise I adapted from cognitive therapy. When I’m having a symptoms I list in my mind all the worst case scenarios that can happen from having the symptom. Like I’ll be stuck like this forever, I’ll never get better, my body is being damaged, there’s some toxin I’m exposed to. Then I list all the best case scenarios that can happen, like the symptom will be over soon, I’ll get well, my body will heal quickly, there is no toxin. You can also briefly visualize each one so you feel it more, for both the bad and good. This seems to calm me down.

There are good mold detox online programs at beyondmold dot com and detoxnation dot com.

You sound like the kind of person who runs from their feelings. You did the whole drug thing which ultimately didn't work for you. Now you're doing the workaholic thing, and you're starting to find that's not working either. And you're doing the academic achievement thing. These are all ways of numbing and distracting from how you feel about yourself, and feeling not good enough.

Success with women won't bring you relief either. You put women on a pedestal because you've convinced yourself that somehow that is the solution to how you feel about yourself. If you could just get that beautiful woman then all of your horrible feelings about yourself would disappear. It's imaginary. It's a fantasy. Yes you can get that woman, but it's not gonna do all that. You haven't pedestalized her, you've pedestalized her as being the solution to feeling better about yourself.

When you deal with those feelings internally, instead of trying to fix them externally, you no longer need those things. You don't need success. You don't need women. You don't need drugs even, because there is no more need to drown out your bad feelings. You can have success and women because they bring you genuine joy and satisfaction, not because you are using them to as devices to stop feeling bad about yourself.

Plot twist, the cure that AI discovers involves quitting smoking.

Yes there is more.

You can turn a nothing into something, with skill, but it's about how much time and effort do you want to spend on that. Someone who is extremely disgusted by you and loathes you is really hard to change. At least with a total stranger you're starting off from neutral, and that's easy to change.

And what about when you use skill to get a woman extremely attracted to you, but you discover that you're not that interested back even though she was really hot. That's a common problem as well. There is always an element of luck in even finding the right mutual compatibility. I don't know of any skill on your end that could change who she is as a person. But screening and validating is an important skill here.

You are spending a lot of time and effort on numbers game approach, relying on luck, and you're questioning whether its worth it. You can find a more efficient, optimal middle ground between luck and skill. High skill + low numbers = too much effort. High numbers + low skill = too much effort. Numbers + skill = less effort, more results.

SMV is an abstract concept that doesn't have a direct influence on her behavior. It's more like a collection of things that make her feel attraction towards you. So it depends on how inclusive you want to be in the definition of SMV. But I'm guessing that you've excluded using your language to make her feel emotions, and that is a huge one. Not that that increases your SMV per se, but it has the same end result, making her feel attraction and turning her on.

When you use language to influence her emotions, her resulting behavior is technically of her own accord. Your own accord means that you are not being forced or directly asked to do something, and your behavior is in alignment with your emotions.

When you influence her to feel favorable emotions, you leave it open for her to respond to that however she chooses. But it greatly increases the odds of favorable behavior towards you.

For example, lets say you do something to make her really fucking angry and she slaps you in the face. The slap was of her own accord. Nobody forced her to, nobody asked her to. She could have chosen to not do that. But she wouldn't have done it if you hadn't made her angry. It's not that you caused her to slap you, but you greatly increased the odds by putting her in that mood.

So the opposite is also true. When you put her into a mood of desire and attraction, you greatly increase the odds that she will act on that of her own accord. You're not forcing her to, you're not asking her to do any specific thing. You're just getting her into the right mood for it, and then she chooses when or where or how to act on that, if at all.

The problem is, you're thinking, how do I answer her questions, how do I pass her tests, so that she'll like me?

When you should be making her answer your questions and pass your tests, so that maybe you'll like her if she answers correctly.

But if you've already made it obvious that you like her, then you've already shown your cards and given away the game. You don't have any leverage left. There's no challenge or incentive for her to try to win you over.

It's like don't be playing defense when you should be playing offense.

Forget about her questions. You don't have to answer them. You don't have to buy into her frame. Make up a joke answer that is not serious. You don't jump through her hoops, she jumps through yours.