u/existentialwhatever

To me it sounds like he's poly saturated with two of you and doesn't want to date any others so he used "monogamous" to describe it -- but if he's dating two people he's polyamorous. Does he know the term poly-saturated? I don't have any interest in dating anyone else outside of my two partners because I'm poly saturated at 2. But I'm still polyamorous because, well... I'm dating two people.

People always assume it's group relationships (everyone dating each other). I have to explain no -- that's rare and polyamory on hard mode. Or they assume it's always a man and two women in a closed relationship and I have to be like, okay no that's just fancy monogamy, we're polyamorous -- we're autonomous beings allowed to create relationships with people when we feel like it, no one is asking for/putting restrictions on relationships.

They also assume I have tons of partners, that I sleep around, etc. -- I'm polysaturated at 2, I'm demisexual and only have sex with my partners.

I also always have to explain the different types of non-monogamy. Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, etc. are all very different. People can practice multiple forms of non-monogamy, but polyamory = relationships, open relationship = one existing couple allowing for outside sex, swinging = swapping or group sex, etc... it's always a tedious explanation lol

You're still in NRE and infatuated. That's not love. Never move someone in so quickly. Research how to be a good hinge before you jump into something like this. So many mistakes. I'd start by giving Chris period of time he has to move out by, then getting into therapy if you aren't already, then starting couple's therapy with husband. Then, if you want to pursue polyamory, do at least the bare basics of research on polyamory relationships and how to practice them in healthy ways.

He's an abusive asshole, you absolutely should not give him the time of day ever again.

Also 33/f here, started bupropion 5 days ago. My side effects are: lack of appetite, extreme motivation to get stuff done, and mild insomnia (I've cut out all caffeine to help). I used to snack a lot, now I have to remind myself to eat. I feel "full" all day every day. I do still get hungry but I don't get hangry. I used to get migraines if I didn't eat after a certain amount of time and I haven't had a single migraine in 5 days, and as someone with chronic migraines that has been an incredible accidental side effect.

I've not experienced any other symptoms, and I've dropped (water weight I'm sure) 4 pounds. I need to lose 20, so I'm hopeful this pushes me there before the side effects level out and I get my hunger back lol. Then I just have to maintain.

Good luck!

I have thyroid disease and struggle to lose weight, I've only been on wellbutrin for a week and I've stopped snacking completely (no cravings), I feel full all day and have to remind myself to eat. I don't crave anything specific anymore so I've not had coffee or soda, only water -- lots of water because I've also been getting dry mouth lol. And since I don't have specific cravings right now it's easy to just make healthy choices with food. I'm down 3 pounds though I know that's just water weight. I hope this side effect stays because I need to lose 20-30!

Classic unicorn hunters, gross and unethical... not to mention his abuse. I wouldn't stay with them if I were you.

On a regular date? No. On an overnight? You could ask for a quick "Goodnight, love you!" My partners and I don't do this but if one of them asked for it I'd have no problem shooting them a text while I'm getting ready for bed at another partner's house.

In general we have a "be present in the moment with each other" agreement in our partnerships, but like... I've had a partner with kids who has to keep phone on and check any messages coming in just in case it's a kid situation, which is obviously 100% necessary and understandable.

I highly suggest growing your poly circle (friendships, not partners) so that you have people to chat with when you're feeling insecure! You can also set up "reconnection time" when your partner is home from dates or overnights.

I do this, but not when I'm with the date. So I'll message my group chat (poly friends + one of my partners) "Hey just pulled up to the coffee shop I'm meeting ___ at. If I need an escape I'll text you all in the bathroom, otherwise I'll let you all know when I've left the date and I'm on my way home." So I'm not doing any texting on the actual date.

Polyamory is a type of non-monogamy. I think you mean an open relationship or swinging (also both types of non-monogamy).

Can you clarify what type of relationship this is? You're posting in polyamory but it sounds like it's not polyamory? I think my answer will change depending on the type of relationship it is.

The first part of my answer won't change at all: what they did was fucked up. You said no sex and if they wanted to continue having sex they should've let you know so you could've left the situation. This was wrong of them on so many levels, and you should absolutely be upset.

As for your relationship, this is where my response will differ -- if it's polyamory then I think an agreement that everyone is off of their phones when on dates with each partner is completely fair and normal in polyamory. Give each person you're in a relationship the attention the relationship deserves when you're on a date with them.

If this is another form of non-monogamy and he is caught up in his sexual exploits, I would have a conversation with him about potentially pausing whatever form of non-monogamy you're practicing and going to a sex positive therapist to have some talks about boundaries and agreements. Reconnect, reevaluate what type of dynamic you want, etc.

That is, if you can get past what happened (a conversation needs to be had and his response will be very telling)

lol runnnnn girl, run. y'all are young, clearly don't know much about ethical polyamory, and you've fallen into dating a couple that wants a harem. funny how he gets to date multiple women but he can't handle you dating other men -- "you have to do the work it takes to feel emotionally comfortable with me being with other women but i don't have to do that".

He's gross, get out while you can.

You and your husband were in your 30s and unicorn hunted a 22 year old? Gross, unethical, and double gross.

Ethical Non Monogamy is the umbrella.

Open relationships = an existing couple opens their relationship to allow for sexual exploration

Polyamory = people who are open to having or are in multiple romantic relationships

Swinging = existing couples swap partners

You can be polyamorous AND open AND engage in swinging with one of your partners... but they're all different forms of non-monogamy.

So like, right now I only engage in polyamory, but if I had an attraction strong enough with someone I'd be comfortable to have a casual fling (not polyamory, but a form of non-monogamy).

A is harem building and practicing unethical polyamory (didn't tell you they had a partner until the second date instead of before even going on a date, tried to unicorn hunt you into a triad, demands that you all put her first but continues dating dysfunctional people). I can only assume y'all are really, really young -- you do not have to accept this kind of behavior. No matter how "good" it is when it's good, Apple is a terrible partner.

Are you getting fulfillment out of your relationships? Because managing two partners has always been daunting for me, so I'm curious how you have time/energy with 3 partners to explore more. I'm wondering if you get your needs/wants met from all three of them you wouldn't feel jealous/envious.

That being said, I agree with everyone else -- how is this going to end if you and your long distance partners end? Now you have to be monogamous to him? He's going to have to face the insecurity eventually or this will never work.

Edit- Unfortunately yes, this all started as an affair. We had discussed it however couldn't agree on who would be a good fit. Until we met her. Long strong after that.

What do you mean by this? You couldn't agree on who would be a good fit? So you were choosing his partners with him (ew) or you were unicorn hunting (double ew)?

Besides that, both your husband and his partner sound awful. He should have put an end to it the minute his partner wanted to 'surprise' you by saying "oh hey my wife hates surprises, let's just plan a day with her involved in the planning". He's a terrible hinge because now he's getting on her about it all when he was going along with the surprise earlier.

She's not the problem, he is. He's an ADULT and he has a child with you and he's choosing to see the child one hour a week just because she requests it. That's fucked up.

Get child support set up and make sure you and the child are taken care of.

Tell your partner that you are not bisexual and you can't "make yourself" be bisexual. It's not a choice. Then focus on your kid and get out of this mess.

Piercing babies ears. Babies don't care if their ears are pierced, you're doing it for you, like your child is a little toy to show off. Let them ask for it when/if they decide they want it someday.

Aldi for regular non-shelf stable stuff and Costco for buying in bulk. I know buying in bulk isn't possible for a lot of poor people, but I live alone and I'm a saver not a spender so I get to the point where I go to Costco and stock up on: rice, chicken breasts I can freeze and take out one by one for meals for myself, pasta, condiments, seasonings, etc. Basically I buy anything that is shelf stable or freezable for months. Then it's always possible for me to make a chicken and rice dish, or chicken and pasta dish. I buy frozen veggies (frozen veggies are flash frozen at their best quality) and throw a bag of frozen broccoli or peas or corn into meals to beef it up and give me more nutrition.

Your brother is a millionaire and he's comfortable with watching your family (including kids) go without necessities? That feels so icky to me; especially since he came into it through stocks. I'd make sure my siblings, nieces, and nephews never went without. :(

I hope y'all get back on your feet soon.

I get this, but there's a wide range of people between poor and rich -- they're not implying that only rich people should have kids. I think people should do it when they can afford it, otherwise why subject a child to that kind of life? But affording it could mean lower middle class -- the child/family never goes hungry or without utilities paid for, they are taken in for medical care any time it's needed, but they aren't taking vacations yearly, birthdays and holidays are just a couple of small gifts, the family rarely if ever eats out, etc. Basically, if the child can be given all of the basics without issue (just 'extras' aren't easy) I'd think it's ethical to have a kid.

Because women pay for birth control, period products, and other health related sex issues and the least a penis-haver can do is pay for and bring their birth control. I keep some at my place for emergencies (i.e., condom was unintentionally forgotten, sex as sporadic and not expected) but I expect anyone with a penis that I have sex with to provide condoms on their own.

Lube? Mutual expense, take turns buying or whatever. But I'm buying & taking birth control every day & I want penis-having partners to provide condoms.

I'm sorry, what? I pay for my own birth control and take it DAILY, I buy my own period products, the bare minimum a man can do is buy condoms. It's already a shared responsibility if I'm taking birth control every single day that I pay for. When I'm dating someone regularly if we're still using condoms I'll help stock up now and then, and I always have a box in my bathroom if someone ever genuinely forgets theirs, but you should 100% always expect the man to have one.