u/hammerkop

I don't believe it was ever something I decided. I just often wanted to be a girl and fantasized about it for many years. Especially the clothes, and the body, and wanting to have sex like a woman. Eventually it got so bad I could barely get through the day, so I went to the clinic for medical help. After hormones I immediately felt better. I will say that learning how the hormones could help with mood and well-being is largely what convinced me to actually seek help, because i realized i was suffering from chemical dysphoria and not just wanting a cosmetic change.

I came out at 33 and changed my name and pronouns on slack with a short announcement. Am an engineering lead working in software. I was also pretty stoic / quiet and some people were surprised when I came out, but mostly people were supportive. A bunch of people messaged me privately sharing their own experiences and offering words of encouragement. I had one awkward interaction with an engineering manager and he ended up resigning lol. Mostly it wasn't really a big deal and things just carried on as usual. Depending on where you work there may also be anti discrimination laws and companies are legally obligated to accommodate transitioning employees. I would agree though that friends and family can be more challenging. But you never know, my boyfriend's parents are staunch republicans and yet were some of the first people to use my preferred name and pronouns and have been very kind to me. And if your friends don't have your back then it's time to make some better friends.

You might to want to reach out to some trans support groups or social groups in your area for some community. A lot of us are going through the same issues. Twitter is also pretty toxic so try and avoid things that make your anxiety worse. Beard shadow will require laser or electrolysis btw, and it's good to get started as soon as possible.

I am not sure what it even means to identify as anything really. I guess one question is would you prefer a man's name and pronouns? I am guessing probably not. Whether you think of yourself as a woman beyond that is dependent on your exact definition of one, and it's understandable to feel a bit reluctant to adopt it. Personally I just think of myself as "trans" full stop these days with no real desire to qualify it.

Absolutely, it's brutal. Not sure if you are also physically transitioning but it can take years to start feeling normal and for those fears to wear off. Personally when I started transitioning I switched to femme clothes right away because I love wearing them. But I still struggle with the social / vocal aspects. Even though acting and sounding like a guy makes me feel dysphoric, I still do it sometimes just out of fear and old habits. One thing that helped me recently is to tell myself "just pretend to be a woman." I know that sounds bad, but so much of gender is performance on both sides, and it's going to feel like acting for a while until it becomes natural. It's good to let yourself off the hook and just have fun with acting out a character.

What do you mean to "combat it?" Your partner has sexual needs that you aren't satisfying and will likely leave you unless you top him more. And if that's a deal breaker than you should find another partner.

I think the issue is that a lot of trans women ( moreso than femboys typically ) are dysphoric or somewhat apathetic about their penises, so if you fixate on it, a lot of trans women will feel fetishized over something they don't particularly like about themselves. This isn't universal of course but I would say it's typical. If a guy immediately starts talking about my penis that's a big red flag and turn off. I know perhaps it seems like trans women could be the "best of both worlds" but the majority of trans women that I know just want to be treated like any other woman.

I came out to my mom at 33, and she bought me some lipstick and gave me some of her old clothes and earrings. It was awkward for her to switch names and pronouns but she figured it out eventually. Ultimately I don't think transitioning ended up being as big of a change as either of us thought it would at first. I would agree that getting it into your head that your son is dead and your daughter killed him is a pretty dramatic and self centered take and would caution you to try and give it some time. Your child is figuring herself out and going down a different path than you expected, but still very much alive and likely much happier now.

I've been to Nairobi a couple times and it's about as chill as at gets. I wasn't out at the time though, but the culture there is very relaxed and the airport has a large mix of people. Kenyans are generally friendly and accommodating of tourists. That being said, as a trans woman I probably wouldn't fly through Africa anymore. Especially in the more Muslim northern countries like Egypt I think it might be a death sentence honestly. ( when I was there last they were hostile to just about everyone ) but if it had to be an African airport nairobi would be my first choice

Not a doctor but I am pretty skeptical around anti androgens in general. You could try dropping the cypro and just using a bit more gel.

Ah I actually love the half buzzed hair look. It's a bold choice. I wanted to do it because I am nonbinary but my boyfriend talked me out of it.

Transitioning takes quite a few years. It's a slog. You may want to look into laser hair removal and eyebrow threading. Fwiw I think you have a nice face :)

I was a bit younger than you when I started going through the same sort of thing. I realized I was attracted to men and wanted to bottom, but also that I liked dressing up in women's clothes. I did experience a fair amount of distress and mental health issues over it, and felt a lot of uncertainty. I can say that when I actually did all those things with a guy I absolutely loved it, but i didn't really consider transitioning for another decade, which is when I started feeling desperate and unhappy. I think estrogen saved my life at that point, but of course there are social and physical consequences to grapple with.

I think you might hear in these communities that sexual fantasies alone aren't necessarily indicative of anything and that you should probably explore dating men first, and maybe try out using the name Zoe, she pronouns, wearing feminine clothes etc first to see if it's all appealing to you in practice rather than just as a fantasy.

Unfortunately I don't think anyone really knows why we feel this way. Even after transitioning I still have a fluid relationship with gender and experience a fair amount of volatility about what I am or want. Gender isn't always a solvable problem, and all we can do is make strides to be the happiest and most authentic version of ourselves whenever possible. At the end of the day asking why we feel a certain way isn't necessarily very productive. If you find something that makes you happy, try and do that more. Denying our hearts what they want is what leads to repression and mental illness. But, it's always good to keep in mind that the act of transitioning, while necessary for many of us, is a life long commitment with significant consequences and the decision to do so shouldn't be taken lightly.

Started at 33. Softer skin and reduced body hair were the first things I noticed. After that it was breast development, but i still looked like a guy for the first year. I switched from patches to injections and noticed things changing more rapidly. I am pretty happy with the results overall and would say I am about 40% to where I hope to eventually be. Facial hair was stubborn but finally got it off recently. The brow bone is harder to deal will but I am waiting on an FFS consultation.The most important changes were psychological and emotional though. I am not even sure if those words capture it - i feel happier and warmer, as if someone put some logs on a fire that had nearly died years ago.

I touched it once. It's very soft and squishy

There are millions of trans people. The medical science points overwhelmingly that being trans is a normal human variation and that gender affirming care produces exceptionally good outcomes. There is no need for queer "theory" to tell me what I am.

6 months ain't bad. I spent like a decade with my dresses and skirts hidden in a walk in closet. Sometimes I would wear them in the closet and take them off, or I would wear them during the day and quickly change if someone came over or if I had to turn my camera on for a work meeting. I would keep an extra set of boy clothes in my home office for this. One day I finally just left them on and told my coworkers I was trans and tired of crossdressing in secret and asked them to use a female name and pronouns. It was amazing honestly. People were super supportive. I did the video blog thing too and worked on the voice and the whole act in my femme clothes and makeup. Ended up on hormones about 2 months later and never looked back.

I think he means he's a trump voter

I started off on a low E dose without blockers and was able to get some feminization - softer skin, less body hair and breast development while retaining sexual function and boymoding mainly. I did experience a significant improvement to my mood overall. But eventually I felt a little frustrated with the slow rate of change, and also felt like I wasn't quite at the right levels, and switched to a high dosage of E with injections. Since then the pace of change has been quite a bit faster and I feel better overall but the main side effect is erectile dysfunction which i didn't experience before.

You sound like a trans woman who likes dick. Welcome to the club! Never too late you know.

If you have facial hair it can take a long time to get rid of, so the sooner you start laser or electrolysis the better. Also check your levels to make sure T is low or blocked if you want things to go a bit faster. Either way though it does take time and you'll need to have some patience. It's a lot more fun after the first year though, I promise.

I went to a therapist before starting hrt and my only regret was that it was expensive. I basically told her I was trans and wanting to start hormones and she was like "cool good for you. Let me know if you need any fashion tips or wanna practice voice training, etc." There wasn't really a whole lot to talk about and it cost me like a thousand dollars lol. I was feeling awful at the time though and my main fear was that if the hormones didn't work I was afraid of what would happen, but luckily they worked amazingly well.

Nobody can tell you, and honestly there isn't really a clear definition of what it means to be trans anyway. Usually what people wonder in these subs is whether they are experiencing dysphoria and what to do about it. Nothing in your post has the slightest relevance at all to being transgender except the last part about the pronouns, but the fact that you asked us at all could be a sign this is something you may want to start exploring. But tbh I wouldn't really worry about it too much unless it becomes a serious issue in your life.

You should use a larger needle to draw the liquid than you do to inject. 18g is the common gauge for drawing with 25g for injecting. First, pull pack the plunger on the syringe to the same amount you want to inject, use the thicker needle to pierce the stopper, inject the air into the vial to increase pressure, then you can easily get the medication into the syringe. Take in an amount slightly more than you need, withdraw and hold it upright and flick it to send air bubbles to the top. Swap for the thinner needle and press a little to remove air bubbles. Then you are good to go

Do you have any recent bloodwork for your testosterone levels? At that much estradiol injected per week you probably have enough t suppression that spiro isn't needed at all.