u/jackk445

What do you mean „can’t eat a cake and have it too”? There’s nothing to be had or eat anymore, unless you pay right from the beginning.

MoP. I mainly raided and we got all bosses on highest difficulty before the end of the patches. However right before the tier with Garrosh my previous guild disbanded so i joined another (better) one and in that one I got my first (and only) realm first. I didn’t have too many close friends in that guild like I did in my previous one. Plus that tier was the longest one in history of WoW I think. So I overall I’ve lost interest and quit before it ended.

Works but temporarily, the action bar reappears after a while

You see those posts cause you watch them so the algorithm gives you more of the same.

I’m a guy, I’ve never cheated because I have some basic self respect. If I’ve said I want you, I want you and nobody else. If there’s anything lacking, I communicate. If I’ve said I’m going to commit and be with you, I will.

None of my male or female friends neither cheated or got cheated on.

In social media, if you want to see something, you will see that thing. But social media is not real life. Stop watching it.

I never liked the exact wording of this saying. I’d much rather say “stop being desperate to find someone”, which doesn’t mean “stop looking”.

Put yourself out there and continue looking, but without the whole pressure that you have to find someone. If you connect with somebody - cool, let’s see where it goes (and if it doesn’t, it’s also cool). If you don’t connect, no big deal, try again.

Being desperate about it will either immediately make you unattractive, or will cause you continue dating a person which you should say “no” to in the beginning.

Ok so working towards the goal (buying the house, car and having enough spare money) gave your life meaning. Now you’ve reached your goal and your life lost meaning as you had no other goals. You lived to work, not worked to live.

You need to find the actual meaning to your life. If you’re so goal-oriented, maybe learning new skills (or perfecting one new skill) may be your thing. Maybe you’re into traveling, seeing new places, cultures, tasting new things. How about a romantic relationship and sharing the best moments of your life with someone? Is raising a child something you’d like to do?

With any of the things above you can say “but why?”, “what’s the point?”. Well, you could as well say that about getting your house and the car. Why did you get them in the first place? How are you planning to use them now?

There are some hard questions you’ll need to answer yourself.

Im a guy, but dating for a while now and from the girls that I speak to they all say the same thing.

If you’re into hookups, the dating apps are actually great, especially for women. If you state this clearly in your profile and match with someone similar, you’re all set. However for those looking for a relationship, I’d say both men and women have it just as hard, just in different ways. As a man, you don’t get too many matches and even if you do, you need to do something to stand out of the crowd. As a woman, you get a ton of matches, many of which are either not specifying what they’re looking for, or stating that they’re looking for a long term relationship, where in fact they’re just looking to hook up, which you only find out after talking to them for a while or going on a date. Therefore the problem here is picking the right guys out of the crowd. Either way, it takes time and creates frustration for both men and women, just in different ways.

For example, about 3 weeks ago I’ve matched with an attractive girl and we’ve talked for about 30minutes, at which point she revealed that she had a child. As this is a dealbreaker for me, I thanked her for being honest and told her how being where I am in life now, I currently look for someone that doesn’t have one, which likely would be the opposite of I had a child of my own. We thanked each other for a fun conversation, wished each other good luck and parted our ways on good terms. Neither of us deleted the chat. Two days ago, I got a message from her that she’s done with the dating apps, went on enough first dates and talked to enough dishonest guys that she no longer wants to use them. She said that I was the only one who seemed normal and that she’ll be trying to gather a group of „cool single people” to meet in some public place and „find matches” this way. We’ve exchanged ig accounts to stay in touch and she indeed deleted the account today.

All I’m saying, just because girls get a ton of matches doesn’t mean they have it easier. It’s just as frustrating and time consuming. And as a guy, don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get a response. I’ve once had a girl (a „regular girl next door”) show me her dating app chats. There were so many guys messaging her, that honestly being her I wouldn’t even bother scrolling all the way down to the end of the chat list, yet go into those chats and actually respond. She looked a little tired by it as well.

January-April: Started therapy, mainly due to depression related to dating and things associated to it, which only got worse after the last short term relationship from the previous year. Decided not to touch the dating apps until I felt ready.

April: Started using the apps, talked to some girls. Conversations with one in particular were great, decided to go on a date. The date went fine, vibes were great, just nothing romantic. We’ve talked some more and went on a second date. The girl started digging into my past and past decisions. The atmosphere went to shit, even though we’ve both pretended as if nothing has happened. Because during the first date she said that „if she doesn’t feel the spark after 2-3, that’s not going to work for her”, I decided to thank her for her time and continue searching.

May: Found a girl on a dating app which I went on a date with. Turns out I was her very first guy to meet this way. I liked her, despite her having some minor but noticeable health issues. She was also very busy with her work which eventually was the reason there was no second date. Very soon after I’ve found yet another girl on the app. First date wasn’t anything out of ordinary, a regular date that went okay. However over time we’ve connected more and more, we both became very emotionally vulnerable with each other, telling each other about our deepest thoughts and worries. Turned out we have a lot in common when it comes to issues we’re trying to deal with. Ive never emotionally connected with anybody this way.

June: The relationship continues.

July: The relationship continues until about middle of July, when I get a text out of the blue saying that she hasn’t felt anything romantic developing and after this much time she doesn’t see a reason to continue. I didn’t feel particularly well being treated this way. After about a week break I get back on the apps, demotivated.

August: Went on one date, where we simply didn’t connect. Then went back to talking to more women. I have two separate dates scheduled this weekend.

I can relate exactly to what you’re talking about.

DON’T wait. All that’s coming from this is regret years later that you’ve waited for so long instead just going for it. You’re making excuses. Your life will never be „perfect enough”.

Start dating NOW. You’ll realize that those things you mention aren’t the biggest thing to the majority of women you’ll meet. You’ll also realize that there are other things that will matter that you’ll have to work on, mostly through dating.

If there was one advice I’d give to my past self it would be the one I’m giving to you now. Stop making excuses and start dating or you’ll regret it later on. The one thing you can’t buy is time.

If you want to talk about this in more detail, feel free to DM me.

Someone with anxious attachment style here. Therapy is definitely a big thing, good that you’re taking that first step.

To me personally the biggest difference was finding the right person to which I could open up and feel emotionally safe. That and having good communication. Looking at my past relationships, the ones where the other person had trouble communicating their emotions, did so very sparsely or limited themselves to hints were the exact kind of people I should be avoiding. I basically need to know where I stand. There were relationships where I would overanalyze any sentence that was out of ordinary, which was very mentally draining to me. At the same time, there was also a relationship where the other person was quite introverted and every now and then needed space to „reset”, which meant not having any contact with them whatsoever for sometimes over a day. However because we’ve talked over this early on, this turned out not to be an issue to me at all - I knew where I stand, I know this isn’t about me and has no effect on our relationship.

Another thing, to me, was working on my self esteem, knowing my self worth and not blaming myself for everything. I don’t try to be a person I’m not, or please the other person at all cost, just so they like me at that moment. I am who I am and while I constantly work on myself, they either like me for who I am right now or they don’t and that’s okay. Also, it’s a relationship of two people - while I do put in my genuine interest and effort into it, I also expect at least some of it in return. If I don’t see that, I take it that the other person is either not interested in me or not ready for a relationship just yet. And that’s also okay. Don’t care this much about a person who doesn’t care about you.

And yes, going through things enough times also helps you build a thicker skin.

Look, he's her ex for a reason and she chose you instead. Whatever happened has happened and is now the past.

Look, you can't force someone to want you. They have a right to say "no" and so do you. You don't know what the other person is really looking for. Rejection with a nice goodbye message without going into detail, or ghosting, is what most people do because they don't like to get into the whole discussion that follows (some of which turn pretty ugly). It's not a mature thing to do, but it is what it is. Some people are also not ready to be in a relationship.

Whatever the other person says doesn't define your worth and who you are. It may make you feel sad, but it's just another person's opinion.

Another thing is - if it was going to fall apart anyway, would you rather hear it after 2 or 20 dates? Getting rejected this early literally saves you time.

Yes, it sucks sometimes. However if you want to find someone, you need to put yourself out there. If you hate the dating apps, maybe they're not for you - try something else (there's multiple topics about that here already). You can continue with the dating apps, you can try a different approach, you can take a break. You're the one who's in control. Don't let others get into your head.

Girl A will be good „now”, but will burn you out / get bored in the long run.

Girl B will be good for a long term (possibly life-long) relationship, but you won’t appreciate her „now” so you won’t even get there.

Ideally it would be if you dated girl A, found out yourself that it doesn’t work for you, then find another girl B and appreciate the peace and safety she gives to you.

Personally I’m not in my 20s anymore, I’d pick girl B any day.

I strongly disagree.

Yes, it’s a general assumption for a guy to initiate the INITIAL conversations (which I’m okay with), but I also strongly believe that later on the other side should also put at least some effort in.

Context: I’m male and my father was always painted as the worst person on the planet. In my particular case, one issue (out of many) was that over the years I became an unofficial husband. I was going with her to trips she wanted to go. I did the things normally a man in the house does (fixing things etc). I did this partially cause of the feeling of guilt (she’s being treated so badly by our father) and somewhat out of hope that the situation would one day improve and they would love each other again.

I wasn’t actually fully aware of the situation in the beginning, I was simply accompanying/helping her. However over the years I did notice that I’m simply being used, even though I communicated that I don’t want to do things or go with her anymore (there was always that next “last time”). Then I’ve had this phone conversation with her (still hoping things would get better, but also fully aware of my situation). During this conversation I’ve said that “I feel like I’m more of a husband to her than her actual husband” (which was met with “so what?”) and that I feel bad about it (met with “current young generation is so weak”). This was it for me. From that point forward I started to firmly enforce my boundaries. Whenever I don’t like something I simply say that “I won’t do it” etc., without going into explanation why (it opens ground to negotiations). Whenever I get asked “but why?” I respond “because this is my decision”. There are times when I hear “if you want it to be this way, sure.”, trying to put pressure and guilt onto me. However I try to no longer care. I know that there has to be a time when I start putting myself above her and I wish I started doing this earlier. I know that the way I feel about things aren’t taken into account.

Since I started doing this, I know she talked shit about me behind my back (she did that to my sister, being annoyed that “recently I became so assertive” among other things). She likely did that to more people as well. My current “status quo” with her is that she no longer calls me, unless absolutely necessary (invite me to birthday and Christmas or some larger issue). She pretends as if nothing has happened, I don’t bring it up either.

There are times when I want to “tell her everything”, but then I take a step back and realize that the only reason I sometimes still feel this way is that I still wish she would change. However the moment I realize that she won’t, I stop having these thoughts and just leave it as it is. To me it’s better to still have a parent that no longer interferes with your life than to not have a parent at all.

In my situation everything only started changing few years after I moved out of my parents’ home. Initially even though I moved out physically, I didn’t move out “mentally”. She kept on calling me, I kept on going there. Then since that stopped after the situation above, what I’m left with is the feeling my mother gave me in certain situations (that I need to perform, that I have to do certain things the certain way or that I shouldn’t be doing something). This is what I’m currently working on (I’m on a therapy). It’s a long process but it’s slowly getting better. I’ve accepted that I may not fully get rid of certain things for the rest of my life and instead simply be aware of them and live to learn with them.

If I were to give you one single advice, it would be to make your move now and start living your life. I really regret I didn’t make mine for so long.

I could say a lot about this exact topic and it’s what I’m trying to heal from.

When talking to your emotionally immature mother, you need to realize is that there’s no place for your emotions in this relationship, only her emotions will count. Things like your “no” are more of an opportunity for negotiation rather than a boundary to not be crossed.

What you need to learn to do is to clearly (but respectfully) set your boundaries and not let go. Yes, you will feel like crap initially, especially if she tries to make you feel guilty (“why do you treat me like this”) or point this out as a negative (“you haven’t been like this”).

Lastly, stop trying to fix her. She won’t change if she already hasn’t, you’re just wasting your own time and life. Stop communicating with her and start healing on your own. It’ll take time but you’ll get there.

Something that is said a bit differently but is close to what you’ve said that convinces me even more is that when in a relationship, it’s two people against a problem.

You will not always agree, but you can see past that and figure out solutions that work for both of you in a respectful and mature way. You feel safe because you know that whatever comes up, the other person will always be there and wish best for both of you. This is very different from just blindly agreeing with everything. To me this is the essence of love.

Don't listen to that guy.

If you're looking for hookups with people you'll likely never meet again, sure.

However if you're trying to develop an actual long-term and meaningful relationship with a person, lying right from the start is not the move here.

Questions you should ask yourself:

- Would that be a problem to you? Not what you've "hear" or "what others think". How do *you* feel about it?

- Would you want to be with a person who didn't accept this about you?

- You essentially talk about "being experienced". How would you "grade" experience? Is someone who was in one, long-lasting and also really bad relationship more experienced than a person who was in multiple relationships that didn't last?

Bare shaft tune at 30m and see if you get consistent results. If you do, make the necessary adjustments to your equipment. If you don’t, check for inconsistencies in your form, especially plucking the string.

What you're calling is not being boring, it's different interests.

When it comes to me personally, I wouldn't call myself a homebody but I would not be a good match with that girl either (I don't go to raves, I do travel but not nearly as much as some others do, I like reading and have a sport-related hobby). Personally I prefer girls who also like reading and who are also not as much into partying as me. Personally I'll always pick a fun, meaningful conversation over another night getting drunk at a party (which, to be honest, I find repetitive and boring after a while).

You two are just incompatible and it doesn't at all mean that you're boring. Your way of dressing may be a factor though, as people like judging a book by its cover.

Your whole post gives me the vibe that you're trying to justify his behavior despite you not being comfortable with the situation.

If you want your relationship to be healthy, you should not only consider your own feelings but also actively talk about things you're not okay with. You're clearly not okay with it but you try to push your feelings aside and justify that yourself ("I know he loves me..") and also look for others to do it for you (by creating this topic).

You don't need to frame it "either me or her" and make it sound hostile, but you should definitely bring up that you're not comfortable about it and not let yourself or him push your feelings aside and end the conversation in a state where you feel like it's not really resolved for you. Yes, this means that it may become an issue for your relationship going forward, but if that's the case - would you really prefer to continue a relationship where you have to suppress your feelings?

If there was anything that the dating through the apps taught me is that everyone is different, at least that was my experience. Having said that, my approach is to not transfer the blame from the previous dates to the current one, as you never know what she’s actually like.

At the same time, after going through enough dates you just stop caring, i.e. you stop putting pressure on yourself. Sure, the guy should take initiative in the beginning, but later on I strongly believe that both sides should show some minimum effort.

So why do you assume that the one you date would?

You let those things get into your head, it’s someone else’s opinion, not yours. You even worded it that „some expected you to do X”. In the end, it’s you putting pressure and artificial boundaries onto yourself because of someone else’s opinions and beliefs.

What do you think about it? If a woman your age told you she’s a virgin, would that be an issue to you? Would you want to be with somebody who found this to be a problem?