u/kostros

!RemindMe 3 days

This I tried to practice recently but couldn’t really even initiate.

Also started rollerblade skating.

When my neighbours saw me they went outside and asked if everything was ok, because it looks weird for 40yo 6”4 guy to fight for his live on skates.

Lol, now I am cruising 20km at once in an hour ;)

The biggest win of my life is that I am now father of a 2yo son so I can do everything childish I want and I am perceived as cuuuuteeee!!!! :D

Have sons guys! :D

Aerials was absolutely one the highlights of recent SOAD tour.

Cheers Buddy!

Thank you for a very comprehensive response. Well, you seem to be an expert in handling these situations very well. That must have been and still is a lot to manage.

Thank you.

+1 more for enduro trails, ideally full suspension

And maybe one more for commute.

And what if you happen to suddenly have 2 kids? Perhaps that cargo bike will make sense.

And one More to make the number round :)

Good.

Same "undiagnosed but accused by many incl. my wife" here

That could be the case, we will observe that. Thanks for noticing.

Doing stuff with parents of other kids is something I do hope to do some day.

I tried sport, but choose a wrong one for socialising. Cycling is full of duchebags :D.

Did your friends make a move and initiate since last spring?

Making new - almost impossible.

Maintaining old - it's something I try to work on.

Trust me, they are.

But it's healthy for everyone to have a circle of friends for multiple reasons. I want to rolemodel to my kid how to have good friends (perhaps I am not doing great job here, hence the post :D), I want my wife to have a group of pepole she can sometimes go to and refresh her exhausted brain, and I also want to experience fun things not only related with work or raising kid.

That's human, we all need that. It doesn't impact negatively how much I love my wife and our son.

Thanks for words of wisdom. Maybe that's just the way life works and I need to accept that.

On the other hand - I am able to organise my family (wife + toddler) to visit frineds in 1h drive distance provided that it's planned few days ahead and we are all healthy.

But if others are not prioritising myself then, well, maybe it's time to let go.

That's something I am sometimes afraid is true - I am not priority for some of them any more.

But honestly house maintnance (incl. cleaning and fixing) can easily take one out of two days from every weekend if somebody wants to have everything in order, esp. with kids. It just take more time while they are young.

You are making a point that you are in good position for yourself, but I also feel you might be angree at all of those offices, politcs, corporations etc.

Are you sure you are all good, man?

Perhaps this is a cost of having kids and wanting to be parent, not just having them.

Group chats, instagram, strava etc., generally social media, where we constantly see each other lowers pressure to call or meet - we just know that Matt did a cool bike ride, while John was on a cool sailing expedition this summer.

I do. And wish you all the best so you can also land comfortably in your life.

It is hard, but being grown up for me means to take ownership to sole problems. This is my problem I am trying to solve and wanted to brainstorm with you guys do you have similar challenges and how do you solve that.

That's what reddit is for ;)

Everincreasing housing cost, lack of land, and AI taking white collar jobs will not make it much easier for them.

Yeah, it is significant. It makes ad-hoc meetings in random day impossible. But 50km is max between us, I have one guy 10km, the other ~15km.

I am trying to do following things to make things better:
- plan actually half days (like saturday afternoon, or sunday morning)
- meeting with whole families, everyone invited - wives, kids, dogs etc.
- if you are coming to my place and making effort to drive - no need to bring anything, I will prepare food and drinks beforehand
- we are ok to not drink % to not make anyone excluded too much
- if possible, I try to arrange something for kids, but they typically dont need much to entertain each other

But we cant just come over to watch a random game after work.

Context is very important here. We were born in laste 80s in central europe. We were low middle class, living in families 2+2, 2+3 in 50sqm appartments sharing room with our siblings. We lived in an industrial city that didn't look nice or sth. Neighborhood was dirty, nobody took care about anything.

And once I became an "independent" teenager with my own bike who could explore the city on my own I started to observe all of those fancy villas that wealthy doctors, lawyers and entrapreneurs built outsite of the city around forests, lakes, and with view and access to the river.

I understand from r/Suburbanhell that in North America suburbia do not equal to what I meant in my post. But also due to limited purchasing power our travel was not trips to backpack across Asia or party hard on Canary island (as modern young adults do) but rather hiking in mountains 200-300kms away from our hometown ;)

We just wanted to make a step up in our standards of living and having a house in suburbs was a childhood dream of many. It comes with a cost and certain inconvenience, but trust me - it's far better than what we had :) I am so happy we all made it :).

Agree it needs to be balanced. But also there are some internal family situations.

One of my friends who lives the closest to me (~5km, it's 10 min drive) never initiates. Why? It's complex mixture of her wife being very demanding, his introverter nature, and two toddlers in their house.

They keep their whole house totally clean every single day! I came few times to them unexpctedly and their house is totally polished every single day. Damn.

Thay just don't have time with this approach. And then, they don't have energy to spend time together and want to do their introverted cocooning instead of socialising.

Once I understood that, I stopped to treat their "no" personally. I just try my luck here and there. After few times they will either accept or make a move.

I was childless for quite some time, as we struggled for few years. It was the most awkward feeling in my life. We finally became parents close to 40 and we became one of them - people who only talks about their kids, family stuff, logistics, diapers, shitting etc.

But we also appreciate connection with other people. As far as we love our kid, we don't have time now to experience other aspects of life too much. At least we can enjoy spending some time together with a person who have options to experience life :)

We also really appreciate if my guest at least tries a bit to play with kid while we are making coffee or something to eat together.. Newborns are tough, but toddlers are okeish - hot wheels, magnetic blocks etc. It's all becoming quite enjoyable even for adults and kids are seeking for attention of everyone.

Does it make sense for you?