u/lullabyforKay

What are those little straps/magnets you're using called?

Ew.

You don't get to tell people what they're doing isn't valid just because it isn't what you want or enjoy. This is serious gatekeepy crap.

Just because someone doesn't submit repeatedly does not mean that they treat partners with disrespect or as a kink dispenser. You can have validating and respectful interactions with people you only engage with once.

I think this comment says more about how you view and treat people than how others decide to pursue their relationships

Both parties are adults with individual agency to decide what they will and won't consent to. A dom/top can just as easily safeword out of a scene/dynamic that they are not comfortable with. Just because you consent to be submissive does not mean that you lose your agency as a human being.

*Crying in Canadian

Your new tariffs may be changing that going forward. Be aware.

Only he knows if your inexperience bothers him. Humans are individuals, and we are not a monolith.

This is why everyone tells you to talk to him. If you don't believe his words, then you have to confront that with him and yourself. Why don't you believe him? Do his actions not align with his words? Is he doing things that make you believe it is a problem? Ask these questions.

Checking yes or no is not the same as having a conversation and negotiating cnc

This is how people get hurt.

If he can't be open and discuss cnc, he isn't ready or able to participate in it.

You both need to be grown ups and have these tough and vulnerable conversations. You can't force him to be honest and open, he needs to work on that for himself. He needs to want to talk about it, you can't want it enough for both of you. He should think about how he can have a difficult conversation, whether it's writing things down in a letter or over text, whatever... but if he cannot talk about it, you should not be doing these things with him. That's a recipe for disaster

I really like pizza. I can really like pizza and also like hamburgers. I can even like shawarma too.

You can be into something and have it be a singular focus, and only that person would be able you whether that is all they want.

Use your big words and talk to the person about what they want and need in their sex life.

If you aren't ready to buy lube and condoms, you aren't ready to have sex.

Yes. A quick search will show that they're correlated.

https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article-abstract/36/2/203/2596018?redirectedFrom=PDF&login=false

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21808754/

I'm calling out both because some people will try to say a "blood choke" is safer than one that restricts the airway. Either way, you're depriving the brain of oxygenated blood.

Yes. It can.

It doesn't matter if you do it once or repeatedly, it is a risk.

Instead of focusing on the act pf choking, instead focus on what's happening to the body.

When you're choked you're cutting off oxygen, blood, or both to your brain. There is extensive literature on what happens to people when they deprive the brain or blood or oxygen.

Cognitive impairment is certainly something that can happen. It might happen the very first time, or never after you are choked 100 times. It's rolling a die every time.

People suffer short term memory loss, long term memory loss, temporary and permanent cognitive impairment, loss of motor function, blood clots, etc.

the person nutty enough to do this.

*snort

Plan B is going to fuck up your hormones a lot less than a pregnancy

TNG (the next generation) events started with this age range and it's mostly just stuck around. It's a less intimidating environment for newer people, especially younger people that have this idea that kink events will only be old creepy men.

The age range also means that you can have organizers that get settled in the community and don't age out as quickly. Imagine setting it to 25, you'd be passing off hosting/organizing every year and it's a big deal to get people to commit and be consistent with these volunteer roles.

As an aside, I don't think people should be going to events with the intent of seeking out mentors. This idea that people in the community are keeping information from you, or just know better, can be really harmful. Go with the intent of making connections, peers, friends. Someone you can talk with about your kink journey and share. If someone has a skill you want to learn it's far easier to get them to show you as a friend.

yeah they're all from the same session and the original youtube publish date was 11+ months ago

It seemed essentially like Facebook but with nudity.

Yepp. Fetlife IS kinky facebook.

Munches would be found under the events tab, you can find info there. That's where you'll meet local people and add them as friends (which will change your friend feed from the recommended to more about the people you know).

That's one secret I'll never tell

Such a weird take.

While we all advocate for negotiation and risk awareness, just because something isn't negotiated doesn't mean it isn't bdsm. If two people consent and engage in kink, it isn't suddenly not kink just because they didn't negotiate.

I think what you're trying to say it's that abuse isn't bdsm, and consent is what separates kink from assault.

Oh sweetheart. No. Please do not give your passwords to strangers.

Go change your passwords. Then come back and read the wiki and learn about vetting and healthy relationships.

Okay so the type of dynamic where you give someone the passwords to your private socials is what you work towards together and not something that happens quickly. How long have you even known this person?

I strongly recommend not giving your passwords to people you barely know. Please go change your passwords and set some boundaries.

being a "brat" is not a license to be an asshole to your partner.

Have THAT conversation. There is a time and place for bratting and she needs to have a grown up conversation about it outside of your dynamic and you need to agree when it's acceptable.

You can also have a safe-word and use it to end any of these things that is pushing too far beyond your limits.

I use Staples for all my collating needs