u/lynn

She may just have gotten lucky in her choice of partner.

The answer to your title question is yes. I learned it, mostly. But I did it the hard way: by choosing the wrong partner repeatedly.

Can’t sit straight. Poly, married to a man (I’m a woman). Indecisive. And wasn’t there something about lemon bars a while back? I love those.

I’m not autistic and that question is bullshit. But I do have ADHD and ADHDers tend to have no patience for that kind of thing.

Humans are omnivorous — very omnivorous. We have a huge range of available foods because we cook. So there’s not a whole lot of evolutionary pressure to continue to make particular nutrients; we can just get them from our food.

There are plenty of men who respect women, they just don’t tell people they do.

So he’s an idiot.

Lately?

The only answer to that is “yep. Bye.” Anything else is just letting yourself be treated like an emotional punching bag.

I learned that the hard way.

Nope. What this should tell you is that he isn’t handling his anxiety well. As a partner of a man who does his very best to make his anxiety not my problem, it’s still a giant pain in my ass. This one isn’t even keeping it to himself. He will do his level best to make you deal with his shit.

Nope nope nope nope nope.

I’m so glad I could help!

A lot of people are utterly misinformed about ADHD and they don’t want to change their opinions. They’d rather be wrong than admit being wrong. It sucks for people with ADHD to get all the judgment from people who do care about us but are just wrong about the things we struggle with.

It’s not about you. They have various reasons for what they believe but it’s all their own experiences. Some of them probably have ADHD themselves (ADHD is as heritable as height) but can’t face the possibility because they think it means there’s something wrong with them. Unfortunately that means they’re always going to struggle.

I love to argue but even I don’t engage with people who won’t look beyond their own feelings. Just keep doing what works for you and let them think what they want. Remember what they think isn’t really about you.

Stimulants are the most effective. Ritalin has been in use for something like 70 years at this point and it’s the most well-studied. If you don’t like it, you stop taking it and all the effects go away. There are no long-lasting effects. Assuming you can take a stimulant, I’d say start there. I recommend the long-acting version over short-acting. The short-acting version can be kind of intense — it’s fast to start, it stops kind of suddenly, and it can cause irritability when it wears off. By that I mean I was a cranky bitch until I realized I needed to take my midday dose.

But of course you should listen to your doctor over anything I have to say. Just know that if you try the short-acting and you hate it, probably try the long-acting before you give up on this med.

If Ritalin doesn’t work well, or well enough, then you could try another stimulant, possibly another form of methylphenidate (which Ritalin is).

There are non-stimulants also but my experience is that they don’t work for the executive function issues that are worst for ADHD people. A combination might work. I’m on Vyvanse and Strattera. The Strattera does absolutely nothing for what a sloth I am without stimulant medication, but it removes the crankiness effect that I get from the Vyvanse (and then some).

Hope you find something that works for you!

Meds make an enormous difference for me but they’re not a cure. Still like pushing the “easy” button, though.

Makes you far more likely to live longer, too. ADHD is correlated with reduced life expectancy.

Meds are a prosthesis for the brain.

MEDS ARE A PROSTHESIS FOR THE BRAIN.

Aka if you can’t make your own neurotransmitters, store bought is fine.

If there was one thing I could put into the heads of everyone diagnosed with ADHD and everyone near them, it would be that. Take the meds. Fuck, at least TRY the meds.

But first get comfortable on the bike minus the traffic.

Time for my morning constitutional

A constitutional is a walk taken for one's health. idk why but I love it as a euphemism for taking a shit.

Yeah it’s a different kind of superiority complex, the benevolent dictator kind. Often generous with money but primarily in a visible or even showy way, for example.

Third: they want to treat people that way. And imo that’s the most important one. Without it, the first two don’t make much of a difference.

I think everybody should work retail or food service for at least a year, preferably two. Society would be much better right away imo. I mean sure there are always people who would be like “I was treated like that when I worked food service so I’m gonna treat people like that” but I think they’d be far outweighed by all the people who take the opposite from the experience.

I do that with my kids. No one is allowed to hurt or insult my kids. Including my kids!

Yeah and then on the Wood [pens] page the heading in the same spot is Handling The Big Jobs, Too and then on the FAQ:

Q: Can I provide my own wood?
A: In most cases we can handle your wood. We do require all shipments to be clean, free of parasites and pass all standard customs inspections.

They’re leaning into it just a little.

Anxiety and depression can cause this. Probably other things too.

Bonus points if you tell him like “oh shit, I guess we have to break up now” and just keep doubling down when he says it’s ok this time, we can work it out, whatever else he tries to say in order to not break up with you but continue to try to use it to control you.

Like “no, you said you aren’t ok with this so we have to break up” over and over again.

The bar is in hell. This is not a devil's advocate position because it's not countering the problem. Why was your mother better at most of the parenting? I guarantee the answer is "practice" and your dad didn't do nearly as much of that as she did.

Ok I also didn't realize this has to be said. I'm getting an Education today in what "no one here knows how to drive in the rain" actually means.