u/passingavery

Now that’s mailing with style. ♥️

u/pouilly100

u/imaginary_aaron

1. The moment I read this, it reminded me of my own relationship. The solution: you both need to take the Love Languages quiz together. It sounds like your love language is Acts of Service + Acts of Gifting,
   similar to mine. Hers sounds like Words of Affirmation, which is similar to my husband. (For context, we are 10 years LDR and recently married, but still LDR due to visa application.) Once you take that quiz, you both need to look at the results and try to make it work with better understanding.

2. Words of Affirmation is easy to deal with. In my case, my guy wanted me to ask how his day was. Whether it feels forced or not doesn’t matter. He values it, so I do it. Same way I make him pick me up at the airport (Acts of Service) if he ever expresses that I should just take the train instead. You do what you need to do to make the relationship work. Doesn’t matter if it’s “not your thing” or “feels forced”. You make it work or you break up and find someone else who matches your love languages exactly.

3. There’s a reason I like my LDR instead of living together, even though we will have to close the gap. But if the problems are solvable, you do what needs to be done to make it work. If you can’t deal with the small things, what happens when you have big problems? Miscarriage? Visa denial? A sudden crisis? If you don’t think the small things are worth overcoming, you need to leave because the big things will end your relationship violently.

4. Incompatibility is… financial problems (one of you spends crazily, the other is horrified) or about wanting kids (one wants to be child-free, the other doesn’t) or something you absolutely cannot compromise on. Adjusting to your partner’s love language should not fall under this umbrella. If it does, that’s a you problem.

5. I always keep in mind something my head of dept at work once said to me: “Is this the hill you want to die on?” Yes or no. That’s pretty much it. As someone who pretty much read your post and fully understands everything you said (because that’s my personality too), if the issue is just a matter of needing to remember her appointments/work drama and ask her about them, that’s easily handled. Keep notes on your phone calendar. It’s not that hard. This would be hell of a weird hill to die on, because to her, you’d just be a thoughtless partner.

You’re welcome!

You’re welcome!

You’re welcome!

I’m still very good friends with two of my oldest penpals since I was a teen (and one of them was a bridesmaid at my wedding).

I have maybe three other long-term penpals I write to a couple of times a year, but we’ve drifted on and off over the years. There’s one I was very fond of, but he stopped replying abruptly and I am actually worried he is dead (or he could have ghosted me, but we’ve written for over a decade to each other).

I’ve recently kickstarted some new penpalships, but I don’t expect most of them to survive. They could surprise me! But three of them never even acknowledged my first letter, so I consider them duds. Some of them have reached 3-4 correspondences so far, so I’m hopeful.

I’ve lost a few penpals in the past due to my own carelessness, because I was too busy and uninspired to write. I think when a penpalship is new, you have to try to be as active as possible, then you can let it slow down to a more natural pacing.

In the meantime, I do Postcrossing and such to fulfill snail mailing cravings without the commitment. But I’ve made some really good penpals there.

Glad they arrived safely!

Uh, you don’t need to ask HR for permission to get MC. Just go to the clinic and get an MC.

This depends on your country. My fiance and I come from different countries so we both needed a lawyer to find out what both our laws allowed and didn’t allow.

What my lawyer taught me was that there are three main things to discuss:
- Division of assets
- Spouse alimony
- Child custody and alimony (future state even if no kids now)

His country in Europe didn’t allow the inclusion of spouse alimony/child custody. So we could only address the division of assets.

Get a lawyer that represents YOU. That’s all you need to do.

Glad it arrived safely, and thank you!

Happy for you that you’re seeing this clearly. As someone whose dad’s parents turned him against my mum (which resulted in years of drama to the point that even I hated my grandparents by the time they dropped dead), I always tell my friends to never marry a man who would choose his (toxic) parents over them.

I myself married a white foreigner to ensure that I would have zero in-law drama.

Navigate carefully. Your in-laws and wife sound like more gracious people, and if your parents turn you against them, your wife will leave and it will be the biggest regret of your life. Because what would you be left with? Your toxic parents.

Shield your wife from your parents. Marie Kondo the toxic elements in your life. Your in-laws do not deserve this level of disrespect.

That’s pretty awesome, and I’m glad he arrived safely! 😂

Kinda love it when this happens. It’s such a passive aggressive way to say “lol the sending country can’t read for shit”. And it adds such story to the travels of the card!

YOR. Why are you so upset that they’re unwilling to bring food? They want to explore and eat the local food. So let them. There’s some weird, deeper problem here. Are you short on funds, and thus unwilling to spend on local food, and worried that if they eat out, you’ll be the one left out? Or were you expecting this trip to have a picnic component and are now upset because you didn’t get your way?

“I’m not going to make it a fight” - sounds like you are. This is legit not even a problem and you’re making it a problem.

Get over it, enjoy your own food, and let your friends eat whatever they want.

u/concrete_drinker

Glad it arrived precisely when it meant to, hahaha! 😆♥️

If you really love her, let her go. That’s literally it. Loving someone means wanting the best for them, and you know that it isn’t you. There is no guarantee that you will change, but if she moves on, it’s literally 100% guarantee that she will find someone else who will not put her through the exact same experience you did. Regret’s a bitch, but we are the sum of the choices we make. Treat your next partner better and you’ll replace that regret with bliss.

These look amazing!

Yeah, this is why you shouldn’t have a rebound until you get over the last person you were with.

At this point, you’re with a guy who probably is genuinely excited to be with you, and you’re trying to justify why you should stay with him while you’re trying to get over your ex. How would you feel if your current bf told you he thinks about his ex constantly?

If you can’t get over your ex, leave him. Or take this feeling with you to the grave, stop telling Reddit, keep it between you and your therapist, and never ever speak of it again, or you are going to hurt him so deeply if he ever finds out. And then you’ll be upset about throwing away “such a good guy” while you date the next one, and repeat this pattern all over again.

Sooo cute!

People can change their minds. It’s possible she’s starting to realize that this is essentially a pathway to controlling behaviour. If you keep insisting, she’ll keep pushing back. She’s probably not cheating on you, but she’s chafing against it. If she has friends she’s telling about this, I can assure you, any good friend would tell her this location sharing thing is insane. This will only end one way: you get more paranoid, controlling, suspicious, and jealous, and she pushes back, becomes more withdrawn and secretive, and your relationship effectively ends. You leave with the narrative you tell yourself, which is “I think she’s cheating”, and she tells everyone she knows that you were a control freak.

Saw from one of your other comments you expect 30-50k a month. That means you should secure a job in the UK, instead of returning to Malaysia.