u/tristys717

I'm going to post here what I wrote above because it applies:

I do, in fact know what it's like to be a woman. I was one for 37 years. I also survived attempted murder, was raped multiple times and continuously abused as a kid. I have literally been strangled, and I'm still going to say this: living in fear makes you more of and more likely to be a victim. When you're constantly in a state of arousal, hyper vigilance, you start to lose the capacity to judge threat appropriately. It literally makes you more likely to come to harm.

Assuming everyone is out to kill you or hurt you takes the chance that it MIGHT taken to you, and turns it into a ongoing, daily fear to which you're being held hostage.

That's something to talk to a therapist about.

This. The whole point of the patriarchy is to keep both sides scared or resentful of the other so they don't realize how badly they're being fucked by the people at the top.

I do, in fact know what it's like to be a woman. I was one for 37 years. I also survived attempted murder, was raped multiple times and continuously abused as a kid. I have literally been strangled, and I'm still going to say this: living in fear makes you more of a victim. Assuming everyone is out to kill you or hurt you takes the chance that it MIGHT taken to you, and turns it into a ongoing, daily fear to which you're being held hostage.

That's something to talk to a therapist about.

Hang in there, friend. Best wishes for your procedure!

At those point, I've had three major procedures and a fourth on the horizon. It's not that I'm not nervous or have no anxieties or anything. Is just that a) dwelling on potential negative outcomes doesn't help me, b) I made my decisions after having done research and I know and accept the risks, c) I've lived through so much in my life that I know I can deal with whatever happens, and more to the point, no amount of worry is going to change what happens, so I just have to deal, and finally, d) I like to think my medical team is helping to have a better time if I go into the thing laughing and joking and relaxed, than if I'm all screwed yup with worry. :) I take great pride in making my surgical team laugh at my outrageousness.

All of which is to say, I have plenty of feelings. I'm human. But I choose which of those feelings to focus on in the moment, and I'd rather focus on things I can control than things I can't.

What are your hobbies? What makes you interesting as a person? What do you read? What do you watch? What do you do with your friends? If you don't have things to talk about from those categories, now is the time to start cultivating those interests.

I can't believe this hasn't been pointed out more by others. A bottom can violate consent just as much as a top, and with as much emotional damage and/or repercussions as a top. She's absolutely fucking with him, violating consent and honestly, probably doing it - maybe subconsciously, maybe not - so that she has something to hold over his head as a form of power.

All of this. Honestly, it sounds like she's kind of setting him up to have something to hold over his head.

I make a differentiation between my identity and my presentation. I am a male. I see my sex as something that has been corrected to respect my internal identity. My presentation, however, changes and has some fluidity to it. Just like cis men can be fluid in presentation and it doesn't change that they understand themselves as what they are.

It sounds like your situation is different, but it might be helpful when you to explain that identity and presentation are two different animals.

Good luck. :)

I hate hearing the "too late" thing from people 10, 15 years younger than me, honestly. I started transition at 37 and am 42 now and my bottom surgery appointment is next year (first available). If it's too late for a 25 year old, WTF does that say about me?

I came from a background of extreme poverty and abuse, and had massive amounts of trauma to work through and career stuff to manage before I could be at a place where medical transition made sense for me. Am I somehow a failure because I waited until I could financially and emotionally support transition?

Same thing happened in grad school. Couldn't afford to do my masters until 29, and my doctorate at 38. There were kids in my classes that were barely 24 lamenting that they were so behind and was it really worth it and what could they really do to change their lives at this point... It honestly made me want to cry.

There are folks who transition at 70+. As long as you're alive, there's no reason to quit improving and working on being happier and more authentic. I can't imagine being in my thirties and someone telling me, "welp, this is it. Nothing will ever change so this is how your life will be forever and ever." If someone said that in any other context, we'd say they were depressed and needed therapy, so why would we say that about gender and put body?

At the end of the day, it's your decision. For me personally, I don't make any particular attempt to hide my past or camouflage it. I am who I am, and my past is partially what made me who I am now. I do sometimes feel like, in some trans circles, there's shame associated with the Before life, which is unfortunate.

I enjoy both giving and receiving. I'm very much a dominant, but I'm owned by my alpha. When he does those things to me, I don't find any of those things humiliating in the slightest. It's about the power exchange and the fact that there's only one person in the world who gets to do those things to me. Trust, for me, has the feeling of being almost illicit. It's exciting. Plus, it's markers of my being owned by him.

Dude, you need to see a therapist. You're way too young to be stuck in that mindset. If you don't see yourself as loveable, no one else will either.

Wrong. It boggles my mind sometimes to see the ideas some guys have about getting dates as a girl. It's not as cut and dried as people think.

You are correct, though most dudes can't admit that.

Glad to hear. If you haven't read it already, I suggest Pete walker's book, cptsd: from surviving to thriving. It's a really good practical book on emotional management.

Do you have a therapist? Someone who specializes in cptsd would be ideal to address the issues you're describing.

This isn't the time or place, dude. If you want to have a conversation about this, you're going to have to pick your battles better.

To further clarify, vages don't have a lot of nerves in the walls, etc. They're meant to accommodate babies. So by the time you get something painful, physically, there's the risk of damage.

To be clear, I meant using the substance on a dildo. It's more intense than just the substance alone.

Your best bet would be to use something like icy hot on the dildo, so there's no chance for physical damage. But you'd want to experiment with that, and test your tolerance, etc, first!

TBH, that looks like a lot of fun.

Got mine in about 6 weeks.

I dunno what the lesson is, but I am here for pics of you learning it. Hot damn.