u/trulyElse

"Prone to" already implies this; why act like you're in disagreement with me?

It's surprisingly varied from guy to guy.

Some say it sends a sharp pain radiating throughout their entire body, while others say it's like getting punched in a bruise.

And even then, they're prone to self-sabotage, because pursuit like that is causing their body to scream about danger.

No, avoidants are absolutely a thing.

One typically stemming from internal conflict; a disconnect between the desires they have and their nervous system, and doing the thing they know they need to do to be happy requires them to fight against themselves first.

It's like a dislocated shoulder. You know you have to reset it in place, but it hurts like hell to do that, so you find yourself stopping before you finish it if you try to do it on your own. Takes another set of hands to push through the pain and get it back to a place that doesn't hurt.

Learned response.

When a boy's unattractive, like most boys are when they're younger, showing interest in a girl usually leads to her being offended. If they barely know each other, she'll be offended that he thought she was "one of those girls", and if they're close, she'll be offended that he "never saw her as a friend".

This eventually reinforces the idea in his head that his feelings are a burden for anyone he shows them to, and that love isn't in the cards for him. Any girl who does show interest in him is just him reading too far into her friendly behaviour.

If he grows into an attractive man, that doesn't undo his adolescence. He still carries that "she's just being friendly" attitude into adulthood, and any gesture a woman does that can be interpreted like that will be interpreted like that.

It takes the subtlety of a semi-truck through the living room window to snap a guy out of that, and most women aren't into men enough to be that direct with one that isn't "holding up his side" ...

In the Balkans, there's a saying:

Sve dok je ovaca nece falit' vune

"As long as there are sheep, there will be no shortage of wool."

Walking away will save you, the individual, but another sucker will take your place, and the world won't get much better.

Walking away isn't enough. You also have to call out the bad actors.

Though the question becomes "what is up?"

I hate to be the guy to breach Godwin's law, but it's worth remembering that in Germany during the interwar period, the NSDAP managed to gain traction within the republic by making it look like the antisemitism was "punching up", and even today, antisemites use this same strategy (albeit to less success).

"Punching up" being treated as morally okay simply leads to a race-to-the-bottom, where you claim you're the victim of oppression to gain the authority to act with impunity.

"There's no such thing as mutual combat. Boxing is inherently assault."

You shouldn't suck on books; the pages get all stuck together.

She's trans, and doesn't want to end up with a chaser.

From the things I've heard, it should only take two weeks ...

Platonic friends do make those jokes sometimes.

To be honest, I've received bigger signs that were false alarms.

Then the awareness rate suggests it's really fucking bad at its job.

Everyone defines "respectfully" differently.

So yes, but actually no.

How are we defining a "prig" here?

Because from what I'm seeing, OP is just trying to keep people on topic.

Basically, the first is a logical explanation and gets coded as a justification and insecure.

... Anyone who thinks that way deserves to be lonely.

Used to have a lot of trouble getting to sleep.

Figured out a trick, though: stay totally still and think as little as possible without thinking of so little that your mind gets distracted. Then ... just keep doing that.

When I say "totally still" I mean don't even scratch that itch that emerged on your shoulder all of a sudden. Don't close your eyes tighter to try and drown out the domestic dispute happening across the street, or roll over to your other side to see if you can sleep better on that one.

You just keep still with your eyes closed and your mind on almost nothing.

"His job was dangerous; he flirted with death every time he clocked in."

"I've been flirting with the idea of getting a tattoo, but I'm not convinced yet."

To flirt is to brush past, to lightly tap, to graze. It's considering, or humouring, without committing.

They estimate men pick up on about 1 in 4 attempts at flirting coming their way, while women pick up on around 1 in 5. This sounds bad, but in truth, you're not supposed to know you're being flirted with.

Flirting isn't about showing interest - you do that by just straight up showing interest - flirting is about gauging their response to the possibility that you might be interested, without giving away that you're interested. It's inherently ambiguous, because plausible deniability is the rhythm of the dance.

Where did the "just" come from in your read of his comment?

This is actually pretty normal behaviour for someone who gives a shit about you to do, and the fact it's taken you this far into adulthood before someone cared enough to worry about your bad habits is worrying.

It's rare that talking to your partner is one of those situations.

Being nonchalant means it takes her longer to know you, and being eager means it takes less time.

Neither one makes you more or less attractive underneath it all, though she still might lose interest before getting to know you if you're nonchalant.

At the end of the day, it was never going to happen.

more of an indirect communication style (or lack of communication altogether) is enough for you to call someone crazy?

Acting against your own best interest and never realising that's what you're doing even when it's spelled out explicitly will get you called crazy.

Agreeability is a different axis from being able to communicate.

In fact, the most agreeable people I've met have also been the most difficult to communicate with, because they will lie their asses off to "not be a burden" and still resent you for believing their lies.