u/vbking69

Oh also OP you'd probably like Air?

Much bigger and campier but OP if you're still ruined for life, try one hundred birds version of ain't no mountain. Like it's a totally different vibe but stirs my heart in much the same way. Not at all chill tho, it's bombastic as hell

YOU GET IT. I just found this song this morning and have probably listened 20 times or more. Currently have massive cans on laying by my city's main river on my lunch break and it's on loop. Music is done. This is peak.

Aw man I'm so glad to hear. Ride that high!

The Corrs Summer Sunshine mix from Avalon's set and Rebolledo's closing track pls!

You're not crying we're all crying

I want her to split me in half, blend me up and top a chia pudding with my remains

What happens if I say her name three times in the mirror? Is that why they don't have them here?

Does she have a name? I was too scared to ask after she cavity searched my soul with her eyes

Someone has necromanced the terrifying bag check lady. She made me answer three riddles and then killed me when I failed

Ticket was legit and I had a great time. Hope you get to go and enjoy!

I bought a pdf ticket from ticketswap for tonight. Seller was verified so fingers crossed. You can also sign up for notifications if you download the app. Sellers nominate their own price so there is some scalping as well as some under cost (very few)

So many of these stories are so familiar. I wish our little baby selves could hug each other and be safe. You're all amazing for wanting to grow, and heal, no matter how difficult and painful that can be.

Hello again. I keep coming back to your comment and each time I feel so touched and taken aback that you took the time to speak to me so intimately and at length both about your own experience, as well as theorising about how amongst us, individuals will all have such different challenges in quitting. It's a degree of deep compassion and harm reduction that is easy to miss when quitting seems to be the pinnacle of health and the black and white goal for all of us, but looks so different for each individual.

How did you go with the psychiatrist? Was it helpful?

You were eerily on the money here. My dopamine had bottomed out entirely. I was finally able to sleep well but could barely muster the energy to get out of bed or take care of myself. Doing the dishes became climbing Everest. I ended up coming off varenicline and trying zyban/wellbutrin for the first time, a dopamine reuptake inhibitor that is often prescribed for ADHD and depression. My god. I felt invincible. It was incredible. For a few weeks. And unfortunately now at the two month mark of quitting vaping, I'm back to long sleep ins and cynically writing off my life as meaningless. People say to do more of what you enjoy to make quitting easier but what do you do when nothing feels enjoyable?

I quit because my partner asked me to and I warned him how bad the depression would be and he left me. It tore open a deep psychological wound from my adolescence (long story short, I was left to fend for myself as a teenager). The deep inexpressible pain of abadonment from those who you love, those who are supposed to make you feel safe. The withdrawals had me at my lowest point, and then I found there was another floor beneath that. I was utterly heartbroken and cried tears that must have been trapped in me for the 17 years of smoking I've kept up since that little me was left alone. It finally hit me that the idea of people "self medicating" with nicotine isn't just some cute turn of phrase, but was exactly what I had been doing for more than half my life. This poor wounded child who needed love and support... she's still very much a part of me and I had been pacifying her with little hits of feel good chemicals for years. I'm almost grateful for the experience despite how painful it was because I finally understand now. I wish that made it easier to overcome.

The sad thing is that at 32 I still hadn't felt any side effects from smoking. I can cycle 100km in a day and not break a sweat, used to do HIIT and weight training 4-6 days a week and religiously hit the vape as soon as I left the gym haha. I quit because I wanted to keep someone I loved happy. Because he spoke of wanting a future with me where he didn't have to watch me suffer in old age, not because I saw a future for myself where I wanted to avoid pain and suffering.

The huge problem is how harsh I am on myself. How I can't seem to love myself except through the role I serve for someone else. How sad.

I loved smoking. I have to be drug and alcohol free professionally and it was the one vice I had. I was pushing myself to perfection and it was my one disgusting flaw and I gave it up for someone who wouldn't put themselves through even a trace of that suffering for me, I know for a fact.

It's been so eye-opening for me to finally understand my addiction. Maybe to accept it. It's not just vulnerable neurochemistry but incredibly psychological too. I'm at a horrible moment in time now where I don't have the slightest of cravings - I can summit that side of things with ease. It is the suicidality and depression that get to me and make me want to relapse for a quick fix. I have a tiny circle of friends, am a number in a system in a dead end job and feel like I don't contribute anywhere near enough to society to justify the human and environmental cost of being alive as an Australian - living in relative comfort in a developed country and doing nothing with that gift. It's this kind of thought loop I want a break from. But studies seem to show that for a lot of people, dopamine production levels out after 3 months of quitting, so perhaps I should try and hold out a little longer. I'm so close but each minute is an eternity when you can see the easy way out so clearly. Walk past it and breathe in its perfume every time you leave the house.

It's all horrible. Nicotine addiction is a monster. A harsh take is that we got ourselves into this mess by lighting up that first cigarette all those years ago (for most people as vulnerable teenagers, maybe struggling to find acceptance and a place we fit in and felt safe) but no one chooses to become an addict. If only we knew back then what we know now.

I'm really grateful to you for your compassion and nuance. The stuff around ME/CFS and other conditions is really interesting as we have a history of auto immune stuff in my family. It's certainly something I'd like to read more about!

How have you been? Are you still quitting?

This sounds really rough but 15 months is a huge achievement. I'm proud of you and for what it's worth, you're inspiring me to keep going (about 2 months in here)

So nice! I went for a huge walk today and ended up at the venue so had a look. It's a stunning feature of architecture overall and this will be out in a lil amiptheatre style area. Not too big and still on 1st release tickets so would be reasonably intimate. Tomorrow is my last day visiting my sibling here, I'm hoping we have hung out enough and I can sneak off for some fun >:)

This is so, so precious. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure the time you shared was absolutely incredible if this is the impression you first made as her lover. Take care friend

Glad to hear it, thanks for the update!

Hello! How did you go? 🥺

HELLO! You lovely human being! Please do not apologise for taking the time to express such tender and elaborate thoughts so well. Your comment was beautiful. I'm so sorry that I haven't responded until now. I've wanted to sit with this and give you the time and attention that you deserve, as you have so generously shared with me.

The last few days/weeks have been so turbulent. My quitting journey and the demons it has been drawing out of me have done a lot of damage to relationships in my life, as well as strengthening others - I've been a bit busy away from keyboard with my friends and partner as I teetered on the edge of insanity. I'm doing much much better now <3

I will write to you properly soon from my laptop at home, comfortable and focussed. But in the meantime, I want to truly thank you ♥️

I hope you are able to enjoy those moments of clarity more and more and take deep breaths of fresh air when you walk in nature!

Sounds like you've earned them! Think of all the money you've saved by not smoking for that long, wow!

Yes I second this! I know you may be craving tough love here but it's really amazing to see you've quit for a five year period before! That's amazing and more than I've ever achieved, so I look up to you! Do you remember what it was that made you cave? Is it a personal issue you feel you have overcome in the time that has passed?

I personally switched from ciggies to pod/disposable vapes super easily but in short windows of time, the amount I was vaping skyrocketed. They're grey market where I live so totally unregulated/undisclosed nicotine content which I'm sure is probably the case in a bunch of places. Just be careful and be wary of the idea that they are a lot healthier than cigarettes. Studies are starting to cast doubt on what seemed like too easy a cure or too good to be true and there is increasing evidence to show that the flavouring chemicals used are nasty and very harmful. We simply don't have enough long term data to confidently say that vaping is "safe". I found it psychologically so dangerous in that I became so reckless with where and how often I was doing it. Protect yourself and draw on that younger self who quit for FIVE WHOLE YEARS and get ahead of the habit now! You came to this sub for a reason, some part of you wants to heal and move on!

Congratulations, that is really amazing! Have you done anything nice for yourself to celebrate this milestone? 😄

Hey, this is really amazing. Thank you for your hard work. I'm on Android and would love to give this a try. Can I ask how long you've been vape free? They were such a hideously easy hit. I switched to disposable/pod vapes about 4 years ago to get off rolled cigarettes and my god, any good intentions I had to treat it the same way (eg stepping outside) went out the window within hours I reckon.

It's a very interesting idea to treat relapses as little oopsies that can happen. From previous attempts, I know how easily the messaging that you've "failed" entirely can lead to giving up really quickly. Well done making this app and thank you! I'm excited to give it a look!