u/void-space-

seems like the assumption here is you met her off a dating app.

what if you met her IRL and it’s ambiguous whether she’s into you?

would you still drop the word “date” when you don’t know if she likes you at all?

i go to bars alone in NYC too.

it’s difficult. people give all sorts of advice but IRL a lot of it falls flat, mostly because women aren’t into you or find you attractive

i usually sit at the bar where it’s busy and people order drinks and chat with anyone near me. 99.99% of the time they’ll talk to you for 5-10 mins it takes for them to order and pay, then walk off and never be seen again.

it’s much harder to impossible to find anyone interested in me enough to continue chatting and number close

some will give you instas and they’ll quickly unfollow or you’ll get number but they don’t respond

can do everything right too and get no results

i just go with no outcome in mind now and expect rejection

in a night i night talk to lots of girls and come out empty handed for weeks on end

i agree with your comment. i’m always friendly and maybe that is perceived as being flirty with people i’m not interested in. it’s just my nature to be open and funny.

but in my experience a lot of the friendly banter, easy conversations and so on doesn’t necessarily mean much by myself. the strong indication is whether they make an effort to see you again

to give you context i know a lot of fashion models so my perception is skewed. i googled her and id change my opinions a bit more after seeing her other images.

initially in this pic she wouldn’t standout to me in a room full of the models i know, other models i know would stand out more. but once i saw a wider range of photos of her, id have to say she would standout to me and i can see why she had a big career

getting big in modeling has a big luck element. there are girls that look like her in the fashion industry and do well at big agencies but never become famous or rich. i know several

if you met them in person and had interaction with them quite possibly yes.

if you’re meeting them online for the first time then no

usually dinner dates can range from $100-300+ dollars in my city depending on what they order and 99% of them do not lead to second dates in my experience

she looks like any girl you’d see walking downtown soho, nyc. she wouldn’t standout to me, even amongst models she doesn’t have any looks that would jump out to me over any other models

situational. make an observation or ask them a question. or just introduce yourself and say you saw them etc

i deleted all apps.

i been asking women out in person now

you may get less dates but also better connections this way

thread is basically already inactive but IMO dating apps as the default way to date. i prefer meeting in person and deleted all the apps

i don’t use apps and longer. i went the old school way and ask people out IRL

In real life, it’s often ambiguous whether women are interested in you; it's not straightforward to discern, unlike online, where you're exposed to more people than usual and intentions are clearer.

Women tend to conceal their interest, expecting you to initiate.

Moreover, in real life, most women might not show interest unless you're exceptionally attractive, often perceived as being an 8 out of 10 or higher.

Online dating can create a misleading sense of self-worth and is inherently superficial. The women you match with often have options considered to be of 'higher quality,' diminishing your chances for long-term success. While it appears you have more choices, they tend to be short-term, presenting an illusion of success rather than genuine success.

Dating IRL is harder and most men fear rejection, so use apps to shield themselves from it. It’s probably a more accurate reflection of where you’re at

thanks

for the IG girls are you going after mutuals or random girls you see that are also in your city? how do you cold DM them without being creepy?

for me i go for IG -> ask them on a date using the word date. maybe i’ll ask to hangout instead of using that word and see what happens

what is your success rate of cold approaching in the wild and getting them out on a date?

my success rate is ~9%

are the girls on your IG girls you cold approached IRL? if so, when you meet women IRL it’s usually ambiguous whether they’re into you just as a friend or more. do you ask them on a date and use the word date or how do you discern whether they’re into you just as a friend or more?

i straight up ask a lot of them on dates and use the word dates, and most say no even though the interactions in person were good.

sometimes they will still go out with me even though they turned down the date though

i’m trying to figure out this sort of stuff myself

i was forced to start meeting women in person due to this. doing hard resets and not making a single mistake is costly and ultimately not worth the effort, in my opinion.

meeting women in-person is slower and the success rate feels lower, too.

it doesn't scale as well, but there are various positives. it forces you to overcome your fear of rejection, and you don't have to worry about catfishing someone just by using your best pics. you also don't have to worry about whether they are into you before your first date, because they've already met you, know what you look like, and get your vibe. it forces you to be direct in asking women out on dates because real life is ambiguous, unlike online dating where mutual attraction is explicit.

it isn't easy, and most of my friends would never approach women in real life because they lack confidence. they've been matching and going on dates with women for years off hinge and are still single. so maybe hinge isn't that much better than real-life approaches but just gives you an illusion of success.

i have this happen a lot too. usually get them on instagram and nothing else becomes of it/they don’t reply to DMs or do then quit

OP I have a few questions about cold approach:

1) When you meet a girl in the wild and connect with her and she exchanges her number or IG, and it’s entirely ambiguous whether she’s into you or not do you ask them out for drinks / dinner without using the word “date” or do you use the word “date” when you ask them out?

My approach lately has been:

approach -> build rapport -> get their IG/number -> text them a little and then ask them out and use the word “date”.

Sometimes I see these girls IRL at the same spots, so in those cases I ask them on a date (I used this word directly) in-person which is super bold.

So far, I had women turn me down each time I asked them out this year. But the advantage of using the word “date” is it’s no longer ambiguous and whenever you ask and they say no, you can move on without wondering.

2) What’s your success rate (defined going on a first date) with your cold approaches?

Mine is around 6% depending on how I count it. It would possibly be higher if some of the girls I met were local and not just visiting.

I’ve been rejected by a lot of women lately, but lately I’ve had situations where they will hangout with me anyways (non-date) after turning me down. One of them led to a girl holding my hands at the end of the night.

What do you recommend? Be upfront and ask them on a date shortly after meeting or play the longer game and be their friend first and then ask them on a date after they get to know you a little?

i think bars are easier. become a regular at a bar and sit at the bar where people order. make small talk with people as they come up to order. most will stop talking as soon as they get and pay for their drinks and that’s how you’ll know they weren’t that interested

they drink lot but i think they’re naturally funny even when sober. i edited my reply to your original question to add more details

the individuals i'm aware of possess significant social influence and are well-connected, integrating into elite circles with access to numerous highly attractive people. most men rarely have the chance to interact with such attractive individuals, but these people navigate a broad social landscape without needing specialized dating apps.

therefore, having social influence and being in the right circles is crucial. additionally, it's important to earn respect within these groups. these men demonstrate pronounced masculinity, disregarding others' opinions, showing resilience, humor, and a dominant presence, and they possess a level of confidence that surpasses others in any setting they enter. this distinct charisma is particularly attractive. and remember a lot of these guys are 6 max. i’m truly shocked at how 8-10s are dating these guys

i've been around the nyc fashion industry (around women in the 9-10 range), and you'd be very surprised by the women these men date and marry. from what i've seen, they're dating and marrying men that are in the 5-7 range. you'd be really surprised by how many leagues below them they go and how crazy they are over these men. some of these women are dating guys within their ethnic group (eastern europeans) and they could be 5-6s but are the most confident and coolest person in the room. they might take up a lot of presence. they're cooler than any of the guys more attractive than them. in other cases, they're dating guys that are 5-6s but loaded. house in the hamptons with a private jet loaded.

another example is a personal friend of mine who i consider an 8.5+ has been in relationships with men i'd rate 5.5, 6.5-7. more recently, she's been really into a guy i'd consider a 5-5.5. they legitimately think this guy is attractive and prefer him over better looking guys. but this guy is extremely loaded as well

Try approaching men you find attractive in real life as well and don’t rely solely on hinge. Most dates don’t lead anywhere.

Could be they don’t find you as attractive in real life, or your pictures are accurate but you come across as boring, shy, disinterested, or it feels more like a friend get together vs a romantic prospect.

Meeting people IRL cuts through a lot of that as they know what you look like and what your general “vibe” is like.

OP, why don’t you try meeting people IRL and not just rely on apps? that’s what i did

in another post you wrote you are not attracted to many men, which is even more of a reason to approach in person.

i found it usually takes 24-48 hours until they shadowban you or decrease your ELO.

how much time have you had it since the reset and notice any change in quality or volume of your matches?

You should be getting regular likes and matches with your profile. Have you ever deleted your profile and made a new account? I noticed if you ever done this then sometimes there is a pattern of getting less matches than the original account, almost like an artificial throttle to spam.