u/Princess868

Yeah I’ve been diagnosed with GAD and take medication for it and smoke weed for it and it’s still so bad some days. I put myself into such a bad panic attack last night it woke ny boyfriend up and had to comfort me. Thankfully I don’t have those often but it was like the impending doom would never stop

You know this has me thinking. My partner had BPD and even with an instance tonight, I told him the one important thing I wanted to do was take a shower together. He went out for drinks at a friends bar and kept pushing the time. I feel like all I did was ask him when he would be home and if I should go ahead and shower or not. He then proceeds to come home, and tells me what I did was controlling (I had sent him a video of our dog when I asked where’s dad and asked when he was coming home and if I should shower with or without him becaude a friend was supposed to come over later) and even if I didn’t mean it like that. We got in the shower together and he was a little silly and we laughed but there was no touching whatsoever. I tell him this, He then proceeded to tell me that I am uptight and should communicate or just touch him if I wanted a sexy shower. The thing is he has sensory issues so sometimes I never know if he wants to be touched or not. He said he doesn’t find showers sexy with partners. He tells me I took the sexy out of tonight becaude it was my problem that I didn’t communicate that I wanted to be touched. He said he now feels like he walks on eggshells around me, but I honestly feel like I have to walk on them around him.

Maybe I am the problem and I know I have things to work on. But i don’t know. I don’t want to leave him but sometimes I just feel like he doesn’t listen to me or see my side of things. And I’m honestly scared he won’t ever. We’ve had such a good uprise in our relationship and now we are fighting again everyday. It’s like a cycle sometimes. I just want us to be happy.

I’m sorry for the long post