u/procrast1natrix

Posting a placeholder, I'm going to go through my history for a previously written response to edit in. In order to explain why the brand doesn't matter.

This is a product that is very oddly uniform. It's not sold with additives, preservatives, fragrances. There are dozens and dozens and dozens of brands and they all have the same ingredient, and nearly exactly the same concentration. It is water, with 0.025% hypochlorous acid. Some of the formulations are slightly weaker. Some of them filter out the Na component to increase shelf stability.

So it doesn't really matter what brand.

The history is actually fascinating.

Antoine Balard first described it in 1834. He wrote prolifically and was the first to weigh and balance many things, but this is one of them.

Pretty soon, "acidified bleach" later called Dakin's solution was being used to clean chronic wounds, or hands, or shoes going in and out of clean rooms. It became quite standard during WW1.

However, even though it was known a hundred years ago, it was also known to be unstable. The active species, the hypochlorous form, is only a tiny tiny tiny amount. Sodium hypochlorite (chlorine bleach) is stable and dominant in the solution but very alkaline, and irritating to eyes, lungs, and kills healthy cells in a wound. Acidifying it with boric acid or with vinegar drives the reaction towards the only effective component, hypochlorous. But the irritating hypochlorite remains present, and the whole thing is quite unstable.

A hundred years go by. Bleach is used in clean rooms, wound care, to sanitize pools, as a final rinse in commercial kitchens. It's effective but not ideal. A love hate relationship.

...

Then, about fifteen years ago, several manufacturers cracked two separate ways to fix this, and it exploded. One way, they learned that if you use tiny tiny tiny micro filters to get the sodium out, the hypochlorous can't break down and you finally have a shelf stable solution. Second way, they learned how to miniaturize a machine into countertop size that runs electricity through a solution of slightly salty water that's been gently acidified to match skin pH. The result breaks down in two weeks back into slightly salty water, it cannot be packaged and sold commercially, but once the generators became small and inexpensive, off to the races.

Odd that both ways to solve this hit the market at nearly the same time, and with so very many brand names.

...

I deeply trust in many different brands of the spray, but my personal experience is with the home generator. One liter water, a carefully measured small amount of pickling salt (not iodized and no anti caking agent), 4mL distilled white vinegar, ten minutes of electrical current. The solution is effective for two weeks before gradually degrading into plain water with the barest trace of salt.

I use it for road rash, cat puke, sunburn, gym stank, perioral dermatitis, eczema, yeast infection. It's FDA approved to kill COVID, influenza, MRSA, pseudomonas.

Hugs and fist bumps, friend.

Can't resist. So that's why my comments are more upvoted than the others, because everyone disagrees?

what is an experience a man will never understand

I've been literally recorded as less than, in formal meeting notes, based on my gender. I still like guys anyway.

Writes a record of it. I'm trying to be friends and colleagues with guys. I get downvoted anyways.

Ayup here we are.

Guys, we are trying to like you. Attempting to like you. As in there are moments of lust for you guys, and then .... Ok. Y'all did this. Ok. Which of you tried to pull a brother back against this.

Nearly all of the response have to do with fear.

Everything about it's messed up. If for years he haven't been making you come, that's messed up. If for years you two have different ways you've filled the need, that's fine but you're not talking about it and that's not fine. It's not "VR" or any other label, if it's interfering in your interaction together it's a problem.

Oh luv.
So I'm a woman who loves a man, now twenty years married, love my father and my son, love many men as friends and colleagues.

I'm seriously not any kind of "man hater".

Even as a tall, strong, excessively educated woman, there are times when I feel afraid or pushed apon. And I like my man to be masculine. It's not "better or worse" but there's a difference with testosterone.

I don't think any man will ever show up to a conference and have the honorific sorted by gender not in his favor. That has happened to me and I'm not the only one, and it sucks and I made a stink and then as a woman I had to experience the concern that I would be less feminine AND less successful because I wanted basic credit.

It's can be beautiful; we were trying to set up my mother in laws sleeping space during hospice and I felt lost; my husband just massively moved heavy things around in a way that was inconceivable to me. As in "I wasn't aware you could shift heavy things like that, OMG that's pretty sexy".

That feeling that we've had at multiple times in our marriage, where I'm frustrated with how society tells me I'm "less" and yet I must admit he's got certain strengths, that has been a very awkward place. I love him, I admire him, I respect him, he's not responsible for being the cultural asshole.

That tension, that dynamic of wanting a man to be a man while feeling a crushing complexity about it. That's what I would wish some sensitivy for.

Yes, lean in, make it sexy. Talk dirty, role play.

Oh gosh. It's a joke, a meme. Dearie.

Let me excessively over explain it to the tiny degree.

Some one guy, in a TV show where he wasn't supposed to be hired as a sex symbol, had a scene where he was having a jog, in some grey sweatpants and the fans got crashed about his "print", which is the shape of his penis hidden inside clothes.

There was some crazy about him being sexy generally, but there was also extra lots of crazy about his nonchalant "print". And how it was maybe easier to see since the pants were not flat black or white, but grey. And not of a fully tailored material.

Such that his grey sweatpants were the slyest, cheeky way for a man to pretend he wasn't showing off his package. So that it became a thing. Now, wearing grey sweatpants might be showing off the package. Where since that one guy had a moment, now most guys should be aware that there's a cultural zeitgeist.

Ahem, Good Omens. And I'm utterly messed up about this because I want Mr Hamm to have a calm life, I also want to cherish the women following, and hope to find ways where men can feel good about sexually positive interest.

Is that what they are calling the "modern mullet"?

Exactly. My love, I wouldn't use the word "changed" he has grown with me over the twenty years.

Teach the back row, what is a warrior cut?

Friend, if your post history is consistent, you will have no issue at all. Gorgeous and faithful goes a long way.

But. Be meticulously honest about your legal and relationship status. It's utterly reasonable that you are a relationship oriented person who is accustomed to relationship behaviors, the rhythm and clockwork of having a spouse.

Be clear. And the dating apps may be too soon for you until you are legally free.

Or maybe head for the far left field with some radical truth:

I'm a monogamist, I'm adrift, my longtime spouse has separated and filed for divorce and I'm trying to learn how to date. If you want a casual-to-more relationship to teach a sweet, good guy how to date, I'll bring plenty of sweet affectionate energy with a learner's mindset.

... So basically you mean, yes, it's important to have protected time when the kids are cared for by someone else (maybe their father???), and your paid work doesn't happen when you are being a full time parent.

Good Lord, when I was out with my babies we were at the museum or library constantly, and no, it is not reasonable to do serious work while parenting simultaneously if you are being an actually responsive parent. As in, yes there are people that half-ass that stuff because they have to, but it's not great.

Good gravy I truly hated being full time stay at home.

And I was/am very attached, the babies nursed two years, we did attachment before it was trendy, we cooked at home and packed lunch 29 days of the month. I had between 6 and 12 months maternity with each of my babies. I couldn't wait to go back.

I needed to use my career brain, talk to adults, have things stay where I put them. Being a home maker is a special kind of calling that I do not have.

Do NOT tell anyone that it's "easy" to be a stay at home parent.

Hugs. Breathe. This true, but let's also allow it to be true that many guys are growing up without any good influences at all, and this particular Internet space is specifically designated as "men ask women" for them to try to grow, so let's be friendly to them here when they show up in good faith. This post does not seem malicious.

It's not that you don't have good reason to vent, it's that there are probably other better spaces for that. This is a space for healing. This little duckling is trying to do good.

Duckling, we are people. Like any other people.

Give yourself a homework for a month to offer up at least two to four sentences a day to a person who happens to be female, that you are NOT trying to ask out or get with.

Spend this intense month practicing "talking to women" in a way that has nothing to do with dating.

Ask their opinion on a menu item as you are both in line. Compliment a hat. Offer to return a grocery cart, briskly while moving along. Visit your auntie Charlotte and bring her a quiche, ask her about her old college stories.

hon, my love, let's have a serious discussion about how we're going to care for these sweet girls over the next 5 to 8 years. I love them, I love you. Ok, so estimated it'll need this monthly budget for our housing, this much for our food, this much utility. I'm hoping we can budget for infant swim and music which costs this much. Because I love these girls, I'm working this much, but there's a budget shortfall. Let's talk together about how we are going to meet that. If the cost of daycare is this and your current salary is that, let's figure out what we can trim if we want you to leave paid work.

Maybe if we only eat takeout once a month, and we skip the spring vacation, and focus on secondhand clothes, we can get by without your salary. What are your thoughts?

As many people with spontaneous desire do, you describe tender and attentive care to the physical components. How you touch her body and make her orgasm.

But very interestingly, you're describing a despondent lack of the mental component. Without describing how you provide that or ask for that.

Do you give what you want to receive? Do you ask for what you want?

For example, it wasn't until after I started giving all kinds of very cheesy ridiculous "your cock, only your cock" language, that I started receiving a steady stream of "I want your body more than anything out there" cheesy ridiculous language.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

That's totally fine, and most of my comments are written for the 1.3k silent redditors (not you) who read the comment, I am not actually invested in what you think. I strive to demonstrate politeness, and to provide insight into the most common human experiences and how to express them inside of relationship that are kind and constructive.

Many relationships have a minor or major libido mismatch, and most of them earnestly want insight into how to kindly navigate it. In a space of love, which may or may not go along with lust.

Back in my day, and what I'm observing among my teenagers, there's a nice power in giving the simultaneous double message of "I find you attractive" and "I'm a zillion percent also enjoying being nonsexual with you and will respect boundaries".

There's a way to tell a lass, "any lad should be so lucky to have your attention" while briskly moving into helping the whole group order pizza and get a safe ride home.

My eldest, her most recent serious boyfriend who ended up being her senior prom date, he asked her out some months earlier and she turned him down for being an unknown, and she was busy. She really was, the extracurriculars were mad. Anyhow he didn't get miffed. He was still around with the mutuals, proving his sense of humor and trustworthiness. And a few months later when she had more time and he was more well known, they took up for a while. They were cute, they baked cookies and went on hikes, I know there were hickeys and that she felt safe. They're not together now, off to separate colleges, but we talk about how important it is to build relationship skills and value the people who were a brief part of life.

Without being privy to their conversation, basically he showed with his actions that he was fine being told "no". That's so important to building trust.

Find ways to express admiration that aren't a demand. Live your life building social community generally, and those skills are translatable.

I think that online culture is having a bit of a pendulum swing. And the discourse is valuable and interesting.

80 years ago, this may have been a very typical mindset. A young woman wants a household, a couple of babies, some financial and social stability, and some people aren't motivated by libido as much as others.

This does not make her crazy or unusual. Had used to be, didn't need to explain it. Now, she needs to explain it.

It's pretty great that she had the insight and self awareness, and the language. She's not trying to change other people's behavior or pawn it off as religious needs. It's what she wants, and she's not describing wanting to be weak or kept.

Yes, she won't interface beneficially with the people that want casual. But that's ok. She's not shaming them. She's looking elsewhere.

Your title and your follow-up don't exactly match up. Demi doesn't mean ace. Demis can have passionate romantic relationships.

For reasons of evolutionary biology, most people are interested in sex at some level.

For various reasons, some totally reasonable and some pretty bullshit, social marriage (a person you can take to a work event and introduce as your partner) is expected to be someone that you have sex with and in most cultures are monogamous with. And want to. Even if you have no excess lust for others.

As you note, even if you're demi and not strongly spontaneously motivated by lust, when there is sex there are romantic feelings. That can go both ways, needing romance to want sex, but also having sex brings up a neurochemical soup that is designed to make us catch feelings for eachother.

If you're not ace, if you do want to have sex but only with someone you're romantically attracted to, just be honest.

Hi, I'm cw and I'm seeking marriage and kids. There is no part of me that is interested in casual sex, but I see myself being passionate with the right long term partner. My comfort food is Thai takeout, I'm mildly cat allergic, I've got classic country like Hank Williams and Willie Nelson on repeat, I've made three different kinds of applesauce this fall and I always bring homemade chicken soup to a friend who is sick. I do not know the names of any sportsball players but I will make nachos and wings because I believe in the fun of hosting watch parties. I want three kids and a dog, if this sounds like a life you aim for, DM me your favorite weird nacho topping so I know you can read and then we can meet up for hot chocolate.

If you're actually ace and want no sexual connection, what you seek is in the area of a lavender marriage. Historically, this would be where people whose homosexuality was offensive to society and they found people to meet social expectations while respectfully agreeing to find sexual fulfillment elsewhere. If that's what you seek, think deep and hard for a long time about whether your heart will be ok marrying with the intention that your husband finds sexual fulfillment elsewhere. And the strong chance that he may catch feelings elsewhere.

I think the reasons will be varied, but for me ... this is going to sound briefly awful but stick with it.

It pretty much slotted into the same part of my brain as any serious hobby or my career (which I'm passionate about). Anything that you enjoy working at in order to develop skill, and want to put significant time and effort into in order to make a chance at a beautiful outcome.

Example, I've never made more money at it than enough to cover my shoes and what I paid for more lessons, but I've been passionate about social dance for thirty years. Countless tens of thousands of hours dancing, danced through endless blisters, miles driven, years when all my social time was driving to either teach beginners or take lessons. I've put in a ton of effort and sweat and time, and I've received a lot of joy and friendships. No regrets.

My babies feel similar. Embarking on motherhood was a fascinating process. It hasn't always been easy, my body carries changes from my pregnancies, I've had sleepless nights and given up things and changed my schedule. But they were beautiful and made me laugh and smile. Now the eldest is in college and they bring me so much joy and pride. No regrets.

There is absolutely zero part of me that was at all motivated by any sense of "duty" or trying to spawn a critter that would care for me in my old age. Zero.

I had those babies for the love of wanting them, and that's it. Edit/ and I was fortunate enough to be in a place financially and with community that I had those choices, to have babies without fear.